LEV566 The harm caused by rechilus [(In Hebrew, רכילות, i.e., gossipmongering. For lack of a better word, we have translated רוכל as gossipmongering. A רוכל is one who spreads information that causes ill will and hatred (See Chafetz Chaim, Hilchos Rechilus 1:2-3)] cannot be calculated – it is inestimable – for it increases hatred within the world and causes people to violate what is written in the Torah [this verse], "You must not hate your brother in your heart." The world subsists on peace, and because of hatred the earth and all its inhabitants dissolve [into nothingness][Tehillim 75:4; See also Avos 1:18], as we have already prefaced] (See paragraph 39). Often the gossipmonger places a sword in his fellowman's hand to kill another, as the pesukim state (Yechezkel 22:9), "Gossipmongering men were among you, to shed blood," and (Yirmeyahu 6:28), "They are all the greatest of rebels, gossipmongers; [like weapons of] brass and iron, they all destroy." Our sages (Yerushalmi Pe'ah 1:1) called rechilus "three-tongue," [This is what it was called in Eretz Yisrael (Arachin 15b)], since it kills three people: the speaker, the one who accepts it, and the one spoken about, as you know from the episode of Do'eg, who was cast out as a result of [speaking] it (He lost his share in the World to Come) (Mishnah Sanhedrin 10:2; Tehillim 52:7); the Kohanim [of Nov] were killed; and Shaul was punished for accepting it (He died in battle (I Shmuel 31:6; see Shemiras Halashon, Sha'ar Hazechirah 4).)

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LEV571 We turn now specifically to wishing harm to one's spouse. Our masters, may their memories be a blessing, say, "It is forbidden for one to marry a woman before he sees her lest when he sees her he find something detestable in her and she be disgraced by him--for the Merciful One said, 'You should love your neighbor as yourself.'" Kiddushin 83a. This verse, a central rule in the Torah, applies also to one's husband or wife. [Its point is that you should not get yourself in a position in which you might wish harm to your spouse.] We learn the same thing from the Talmud: "One should not marry a woman with the intention of divorcing her, for it says (in Proverbs 3:29), 'Do not plot evil against your fellow who lives trustingly with you' [i.e., your spouse] ...." Yebamot 37b. It is also stated in Avot d'Rabbi Nathan (Solomon Schechter, ed. (Vienna, 1887), chap. 26), "Rabbi Akiba says, 'Anyone who marries a woman who is not suitable for him transgresses five negative commands: (1) 'Do not take vengeance (Leviticus 19:18)', (2) 'Do not bear a grudge (ibid.)', (3) 'Do not hate your neighbor in your heart (this verse)', (4) 'Love your neighbor as yourself (ibid.)', (5) 'That your brother may live with you (Leviticus 25:36).' Further, in so far as he hates her and wishes she would die, he refrains from the command 'Be fruitful and multiply.'" [All of the above speak about wishing harm to one spouse. But the law also speaks specifically about wishing for the spouse's death.] Our masters report, for example, "He used to say, 'As for one who wishes his wife to die that he may marry her sister, or anyone who wishes his brother to die that he may marry his wife, his end will be that they [i.e., the intended victims] will bury him during their lifetimes.' As regards such a person, Scripture says (Ecclesiastes 10:8), 'The one who digs the pit will fall into it; and a serpent will bite the one who breaks through the wall.'" This is to say that if one hopes his wife will die so he might marry another woman, heaven will arrange for the opposite to occur.

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LEV550 Before commanding a Jew to rebuke his neighbor for sinning, the Torah says [this verse] that one must not hate one's fellow Jew in one's heart. Therefore, one should not be admonished out of hate, only out of love. If there is any element of hate in the rebuke, it should not be given at all.... According to the Baal HaTanya (Tanya, chap. 32) one should hate the sin in the people, but love all the other parts of the person. In other words, one should hate the sin but love the sinner. There is another reason why the "tactic" of hate is less applicable, if at all, today. At the time of the Talmud and of Maimonides, all Jews lived together in a small community. Even the less observant had no "options" to leave and assimilate. Therefore, the tactic of hating created a very strong pressure to repent and return to the mores and religious values of the overwhelming majority of the community. Today, however, this "tactic" of hating cannot be as effective, since the object of this hatred can merely move away to another Jewish community or, more often, abandon the Jewish community altogether. Therefore, the goal of hatred is almost never successful today. The Mishnah (Avot 1:12) itself implies that the "tactic" of love, not hate, is the means to return a sinner to the proper path, by suggesting that Jews should follow the tradition of Aaron the High Priest, who used the tactics of peace and love to return people to Torah.

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LEV563 Spiritual welfare is a by-product of love and of consideration for all. It is born of a minimizing of the good done for another and a maximizing of the good done by another (Derekh Eretz Zuta; Abot d'R. Nathan, passim). It will express itself in altruistic friendship, ever ready to be the first to greet others (Abot iv. 20) and regarding the honor of another as equivalent to one's own (Abot 15). Rabbi Johanan b. Zakkai was always the first to greet a person, be he a non-Jew (Berachot 17a); to be polite to others is equivalent to being polite to the Shechinah (Erubin). If one has nothing to offer a poor man save courtesy and a smiling face, it is good enough; life has shown these things to be worth more than treasure (Abot d'R. Nathan). Nothing is more injurious to moral well-being then to hate another inwardly [this verse; Arakhin 16a], and to take vengeance is a boomerang; for both suffer. If we are to love another as ourselves, the logical inference is that to hurt another, is like cutting off our right-hand because it has injured our left (a striking thought of the Yerushalmi Ned. ix).

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LEV557 Maimonides summarizes various Talmudic passages and shows all the deleterious effects of someone who displays his or her anger. He says that the angry person [who] appears to be worshiping a different "God" loses his learning and wisdom at the moment of anger (if he is a prophet, he loses his prophecy), and loses his quality of life itself. Therefore, Maimonides strongly recommends that a person should constantly work on himself not to feel anger and not to react to those things that normally would generate anger. In this way, he becomes a righteous individual by accepting personal attacks without responding at all. In addition, he should strive to react to suffering with joy (Maimonides, Hilchot De'ot 2:3). Nevertheless, the Torah clearly says that a person should not hate another person "in his heart," to which the commentaries (such as Nachmanides) explain that if a person feels wronged and angry, he or she should not harbor that anger and hate inwardly, but rather confront the person (in a courteous manner) asking the offender to explain his or her behavior and letting the person know why one feels wronged [this verse with Nachmanides commentary]. This will ultimately engender more love, peace, and understanding, and remove anger (See chapter "Hatred in Judaism" for an expanded discussion of this issue). Thus, in this case we see that, if done in a civil manner, it is good for a person to express his or her feelings of anger to the one who is the object of that anger, and it is beneficial not to deny or hold these feelings inside of oneself. The Torah then understands that it is sometimes better to express one's angry feelings, but not in an angry way, if the goal is to dissipate them. That is why the Mishna, in describing four types of people, says that the best kind of person is someone who takes a very long time to become angry and then dissipates that anger quickly (and the worst is the opposite-someone who is very easily angered, who takes a very long time to calm down and forget his anger) (Mishna Avot 5:11). Thus, in Judaism, a person is judged by his or her reaction to anger and how he or she displays or does not display it, and not by the feeling itself.

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LEV567 The real voice of Judaism advises us (B.K. 93a; Shabb. 88a; Sanhed. 49a) "to be of those who are persecuted, not of those who persecute others; to be of those who are put to shame, not of those who shame others"; not to hate another even inwardly "in thy heart [this verse; Abot ii. 15]); to believe that all those who are righteous will have a share in the World to Come. Israel claims the distinction of being the "Chosen People" not because it regards the Torah as its exclusive possession but because it chose to accept that which other nations, who according to legend had received the offer first and had rejected it. Judaism prays for the time when the world will accept the Torah and walk along its paths of peace and righteousness (Isa. ii. 2-4; Micah iv. 1-5). "Before Thee, O Lord our God let them bow and fall; and unto Thy glorious name let them give honor; let them all accept the yoke of Thy Kingdom, and do Thou reign over them speedily, and for ever and ever" (Aleinu prayer, Singer's Prayer Book, p. 77).

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LEV570 We are forbidden to hate a fellow Jew. The Talmud (Erchin 16b) and Sifra state that this verse refers only to concealed hatred, for that is the most dangerous. If someone explicitly tells another person that he hates him, although he does not violate this prohibition, he does violate the commandment of "Love your fellow man." (Chinuch 237). A person should not think that only a violent feeling of animosity is prohibited, but a slight feeling of dislike is permitted. The Torah defines hatred in terms of the relation to a brother. Any lack of the feeling of brotherly love constitutes hatred. (Ohr Hachayim, on this verse). The Chofetz Chayim writes even if someone does not say or do anything against another person, but merely refuses to talk to him, he violates the prohibition against hating others. Moreover, for every second that one feels hatred toward another person, one violates this prohibition. (Ahavas Yisroel, ch. 2 and 4). The only way to repent for hating someone is by completely uprooting the feelings of hatred from your heart. (Ahavas Yisrael, ch. 5).

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LEV549 At times, one who speaks lashon hara also violates the prohibition of, לֹֽא־תִשְׂנָ֥א אֶת־אָחִ֖יךָ בִּלְבָבֶ֑ךָ, “Do not hate your brother in your heart" (Vayikra 19:17). For example, if one acts friendly toward a particular person while in his presence, but degrades that person to others behind his back, then speaker has violated this prohibition. All the more so if the speaker explicitly instructs the listeners not to tell the person what he said about him, then the speaker definitely transgresses this prohibition.

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LEV568 The renowned R. Meir had … trouble [with] bandits, outlaws, highwaymen in his neighborhood, and they distressed him greatly. He… reached a point at which he could bear them no more; and he cursed them and prayed for their death. Said his wife B'ruryah, noted in her own right for her piety and learning, "What gives you this idea? -- because it is written, 'Let sinners cease from the earth'? (Psalms 104:35). Is the word then hot'im, sinners? hata'im is written -- sins. Furthermore, go see the rest of the verse: 'and the wicked will no longer be.' Once sins are ended, there are no longer any wicked people. Then you should rather pray for them that they should repent." He besought mercy for them, and they did renounce their wickedness. (T.B. Berakoth 10a, readings in Dikduke Sof'rim). In point of fact, our Written Torah will not grant us the luxury of having personal enemies, people to dislike through mere whim or pique, or for the sake of having some handy targets for hate. "You shall not hate your brother in your heart" [this verse]. The only thing that merits our hate is sinfulness, wickedness that no longer entitles a man to be considered your brother. When someone makes wickedness and evil a permanent part of his character, regard him as an enemy. But then, notes the commentary Ruah Hayyim, we surely have no reason to be happy when such an "enemy" falls. For it may well be our fault that he has remained wicked and this brought about his fall. Why did we make no effort to rehabilitate him, to improve him and bring him to repentance?

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LEV559 See [[EXOD765]] Exodus 23:1 rumors LEHRMAN 39

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