GEN1556 Even if you are overcome with emotion, you must be careful not to cause anyone embarrassment.   … Yosef’s self-control was amazing.   He was overcome with emotion and unable to withhold his identity from his brothers any longer.   Nevertheless, he did not become confused or allow emotions to overcome his reason.  Yosef did not reveal his identity until he had dismissed all the Egyptians from the room in order that his brothers should not be shamed by a recounting of their sin in the presence of others (Rabbi Yehuda Leib Chasman in Ohr Yohail, vol. 2, Vayigash). Very often when people are emotionally excited, they become so confused that they entirely forget about the feelings of others and are apt to embarrass them.  We must be on our guard not to shame anyone, no matter what the circumstances.   PLYN 120

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GEN1561 It is meritorious for a person who was wronged to appease the wrongdoer.   … Rabbi Yeruchom Levovitz commented that Yosef’s brothers should really have tried to appease Yosef and beg his forgiveness for having sold him.  What what do we see in this verse?  Yosef pleads to his brothers that they should not be grieved or disturbed.   We must realize that just as there is a Shulchan Aruch (set of laws) for the perpetrator of the wrong, so too there is a Shulchan Aruch for the victim of the wrong.   All too often, if someone is wronged, he assumes that he has permission to take revenge on the wrongdoer, even when at the time of the offense the wrongdoer mistakenly thought that he had the right to behave as he did.  Yosef, however, took the initiative to appease his brothers. (Daas Torah, vol. 1, p. 257).  PLYN 121

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GEN1564 When someone harms you, remember that he is only an agent of the Almighty.   From this verse we see Yosef’s perspective of events and understand how he was able to be so magnanimous toward his brothers.   From the words, “It was not you who sent me here, but God” is manifest the realization that people are God’s agents who carry out His will.  Of course, just as a person has the free will to choose his deeds, so must a person try to protect himself from harm.  But after the deed is done, one must be able to forgive.   Yosef was not merely trying to assuage the remorse of his brothers; he was expressing his true feelings.   Consequently, he forgave them.   Would a person grow angry at a stone that was thrown at him? This is the Torah’s outlook on life, and we must make it ours.   (Rabbi Yeruchom Levovitz in Daas Torah, vol. 1., pp. 257-8).  PLYN 177

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GEN1565 A person should try to do all he can to prevent quarrels between others.   Rashi explains that since his brothers were ashamed, Yosef was worried that they might quarrel on the journey back to Canaan.   One might say to another; ‘You are at fault for selling Yosef; you spoke loshon hora about him and caused us to hate him.”  The verse teaches us another aspect of Yosef’s chesed.   We have seen how he appeased his brothers (see verse 45:5).   Now we see that not only did he do everything he could to prevent his brothers from quarreling in his presence, but he even wanted to prevent their quarreling when they were far away.   The good deeds of the righteous are complete.   (Daas Torah, vol. 1, p 261).   PLYN 122-3

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GEN1572 A child should strive to give his parents pleasure.   Imagine how anxious Yosef was to see his father after an absence of twenty-two years.  And yet on the momentous occasion of being reunited with his father “Yosef appeared to his father,” that is, his only thought was to give his father the pleasure of seeing him.  Yosef’s own pleasure in seeing his father was secondary to his main concern, that his father should derive pleasure from seeing him. (Rabbi Naftoli Trop, Rosh Hayeshiva of the Chofetz Chayim’s yeshiva in Radin, cited in Chayai Hamussar, vol. 2, p. 189)  How important this lesson is for our generation, in which many children act as if their parents are obligated to give them pleasure.   PLYN 123

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GEN1583 True kindness is when you help someone without any ulterior motive.   Rashi comments on the phrase “kindly and truly” that kindness which is shown to the dead is true kindness, for one who does chesed for a dead person certainly does not look forward to any payment.   When someone does something for another person so that the person will in turn do him favors, the action cannot be considered true kindness.  Rather, it is a form of bartering in which the merchandise is not objects but favors. Whenever you do something for others, have their benefit in mind, not your own.  (Shaloh, cited in Eved Hamelech, Braishis, p. 118a).   PLYN 124

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GEN1593 Do not turn up your nose at the mention of someone’s name.   … Although not the literal meaning of the verse, the thought has been expressed that besides meaning “in their anger,” b’apom can also be defined as “with their nose.”   Quite often, by just turning up one’s nose, one can greatly harm another person.  If that person is present, he will feel belittled and humiliated.   Even when someone is not present, turning up one’s nose at the mention of his name implies derogatory tributes and can cause someone to lose job or marriage prospects.   (Heard from Rabbi Chayim Mordechai Katz, z.t.l., Rosh Hayeshiva of Telshe).  PLYN 126

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GEN1599 Smile to your fellow man. Before he died, Yaakov blessed the tribe of Yehuda that their land would be so fertile that the vineyards would produce an abundance of wine and the sheep grazing on the land would produce an abundance of milk. (Rashi).   The Talmud Ketubot 111b states that [this verse] can be read (in the Hebrew) as “When one shows his teeth (in a smile) to his fellow man, it is better than giving him milk to drink.”   How highly we would consider a man who gave drinks of milk to passersby everyday.   When a benefactor of mankind!   A drink of milk provides essential nourishment and becomes part of all that the recipient does thereafter.   Yet this man does less than one who smiles at his fellow man.   The smile enters the recipient’s mind and body, and stimulates all the glands to produce their secretions in the most beneficial proportions.  Every one of the thousands of intricate processes of physical function is optimally motivated (Rabbi Avigdor Miller in Sing, You Righteous, p. 294). PLYN 126-7

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EXOD10 You should feel another person's suffering as if it were your own. … the Talmud Sotah 11a states that Pharaoh held a council with three people before he reached a decision to persecute the Israelites: Bilaam, Eyov (Job), and Yisro. Bilaam, who advised Pharaoh to persecute them, was subsequently killed by the Israelites. Eyov, who remain silent, was punished with great suffering. Yisro, who fled, merited that his descendants were members of the Sanhedrin (highest rabbinical tribunal). At first glance it seems difficult to understand why Eyov was punished. Since Pharaoh was antagonistic toward the Children of Israel, even if Eyov would have spoken on their behalf, nothing would have been accomplished. The proof is that Yisro was rewarded for running away in protest. Had it been within Yisro's power to influence Pharaoh, his response would not have merited reward. The Brisker Rav, Rabbi Yitzchak Zev Soloveitchik, offered a classic explanation. True, Eyov knew that speaking out would not change Pharaoh's mind, but he should have protested nonetheless, as Yisro did by fleeing. When something hurts, a person screams (ven es tut vey, shreit men). If a person remains silent, it shows that he does not feel pain. Eyov was taught this lesson. He would suffer, and although shouting would not help, he would realize that when one suffers, one cries out. Previously, he should have felt the suffering of others; now he would feel his own. ... Rav Simcha Zissel wrote that frequently when people hear that someone is recuperating from an illness, they are happy and no longer feel for his pain and suffering. This is not proper. As long as another person still feels even slight pain, we must feel for his suffering, just as if the person himself feels the pain until he is entirely healed. We must work on acquiring the sensitivity as it does not come naturally. Chochmah Umussar, vol.1, p.11 This is the Chazon Ish's advice on how to acquire the attribute of feeling another's suffering:" For someone to be able to feel the suffering of others he must first train himself to do everything he can to help them and to save them from suffering. These actions will affect the emotions. Also, he should pray for the welfare of others even if at first he does not actually feel their anguish." Kovetz Igros Chazon Ish, vol. 1, 123.

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EXOD17 The midwives risked their lives by defying Pharaoh's order to kill the male babies. They saved thousands of Jewish children from death, not merely by passively allowing them to live, but by actively supplying them with food (See Rashi on this verse). How great it was their heroism! "Whoever saves one life it is if he has saved an entire world" Sanhedrin 37a. All the more so the midwives to save so many lives. But when the Torah praises them, what words does it use? "But the midwives feared God, and they did not do as the king of Egypt had spoken to them." The Torah emphasizes that their main virtue was their awareness of God. All virtues depend on this attribute, for it is the main achievement in life. Moreover, the only means by which two women could acquire such bravery to defy the orders of the king of Egypt is by their having fear of a greater King--Almighty God. Ohr Yohail, vol. 2. Shmos.

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