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EXODUS — 20:12 honor

EXOD425 Many of the sources, particularly the medieval mystical sources, expand on a statement in the Talmud that finds one more individual to whom the obligation to honor parents directly extends, i.e., God. For the mystics, the essence of the person is the soul, though the person is a composite of body and soul. The human parents create the body of the child while God creates the essence, the soul of the child. Therefore, God is the primary parent, the essential parent, the ultimate parent, the parent of all parents. In this view, discussed in …Nahmanides' Commentary to the Torah [on this verse], honoring the parent is considered a commandment applicable primarily to God, and only by extension to the human parent. See Niddah 31a; Zohar 1:49, 3:219b--Raya Mehemma on Leviticus 19:3.

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EXODUS — 20:12 honor

EXOD432 The mitzvah of honoring parents is one of the few religious obligations in the Torah with a promise attached to it. Placing it in the Torah in this way stresses its importance: "Honor your mother and father, so that your days may be long on the land that God gives you." According to the Mishnah, honoring parents is one of the few religious obligations for which one is rewarded in this world and in the world to come (Talmud Peah 1:1). In order to help us understand what "honoring one's parents" means in everyday life, the rabbis have taught that honoring them includes providing them with food, drink, and clothing, as well as guiding their footsteps as they grow older. The Book of Leviticus [19:3] also states the children are to "revere" their parents. Some said that it literally means to stand in awe of them. Others suggested that it means that we should respect them because we are afraid of them. According to another interpretation in the Talmud (Kiddushin 31b), to revere one's parents means that a child should not sit in their chair, speak in their place, or contradict what they say. Clearly, we see from this statement the great respect that was expected to be given to parents by their children. [Author continues with twenty-six statements from Jewish sources providing examples of honoring parents].

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EXODUS — 20:12 honor

EXOD419 Is Playing Hooky Unethical? A school is a workplace, with expectations and rules, and has its own unique business ethics issues. One dilemma faced by virtually all students is the ethics of cutting classes. A: All the kids at my high school, when they have a doctor's appointment and the like, stay out a little longer for lunch or ice cream. On a "once in a while" basis, is this a real problem ethically? Are we "robbing" our parents, who pay a fortune to send us to private school? A: The issue of cutting class is a difficult ethical dilemma. On the one hand, it seems clear that cutting classes occasionally is not inherently unethical. After all, you're not getting paid by the hour. Judaism considers girls over the age of twelve and boys over the age of thirteen to be adults responsible for their own decisions. Sometimes a student may make a mature decision that some other activity is more important than school attendance. At the same time, there is no doubt that playing hooky can involve a variety of serious ethical problems. It's rare to find a conscientious individual who does not make class attendance an overriding priority, and there are plenty of students who are scrupulous never to miss a class. An examination of some of the ethical issues involved will provide a foundation for judging the boundaries of acceptable behavior. Honoring parents. Honoring parents is a very important matter. Everyone has an obligation to honor their parents; this is so important that it is one of the Ten Commandments [this verse]. Although this obligation does not require a child to obey every order given by a father or a mother, Jewish tradition ascribes immense value to obedience. Parents are generally in an excellent position to judge what norms and obligations are best for their children. As long as you are living at home, you have the additional responsibility of conforming to household norms, which probably include regular school attendance. If good attendance is very important to your parents, or if your skipping classes will reflect badly on them or on other family members, there is a good chance that you will be falling short of your responsibility to your family if you miss class. Respect for Teachers. In Jewish tradition, a student is obliged to show respect and reverence toward his teachers. This is especially true in Torah studies but applies also to secular studies [Pesachim 108a]. Skipping class shows disrespect for teachers and for the school as a whole. In addition to the inherent problem of showing disrespect, class cutting may demoralize a school's teachers and precipitate a breakdown in the school's discipline, problems that may eventually affect the entire student body and faculty. Another serious problem is that playing hooky may incite other students to follow your example, against their better judgment and their best interest. Honor code. If your school has an honor code, you must abide by it. An honor code is a solemn obligation that students take upon themselves, and they must be careful to live up to its standards. But by the same token, the school's administrators should ensure that any honor code students are expected to adopt makes only reasonable demands. If the code's requirements are excessive, then it invites cynicism and educates toward expediency. Jewish law specifies that sons and daughters have a strict responsibility to obey when their parents ask for help, but balances this with a stern warning that parents must not make excessive and in reasonable demands. [Shulhan Arukh, Yoreh Deah 240:19] Temptation to Cover Up. The act of cutting class has very strong ethical ramifications because a student who cuts may be strongly tempted to misbehave in other ways. If he is caught, he is tempted to lie; having missed class, he may be tempted to copy homework or cheat on an exam. The Mishnah tells us that "one transgression drags along another," [Avot 4:2] and this is certainly true of playing hooky. Jewish tradition warns us against putting our values to the test in this way. A short prayer which is part of the morning service begs God to save us from "temptation and disgrace," which all too often go together. Conclusion. Mature teenagers are beginning to take on adult responsibility. This means that they can begin to establish their own priorities, which are not necessarily identical to the expectations others have of them. Perhaps there are times when serious and important commitments should have priority over school attendance. On the other hand, attaining a sense of responsibility means that the students should be able to appreciate the immense importance of a good education and of a positive attitude toward the schools they attend and the norms that apply in school. A student who carefully takes account of all these considerations will very likely conclude that skipping class is seldom a good idea. The best solution is to obtain permission in advance for any valid absence from class, thus avoiding the problems of cynicism and disrespect.

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EXODUS — 20:12 honor

EXOD427 One who speaks lashon hara about his oldest brother, his mother's husband, or his father's wife also transgresses the commandment to honor one’s parents, for Chazal (Kesubos 103a) derive--from the word וְאֶת in the pasuk: כַּבֵּ֥ד אֶת־אָבִ֖יךָ וְאֶת־אִמֶּ֑ךָ, “Honor your father and your mother” (Shemos 20:12)--that there is an obligation to honor these individuals. If one speaks lashon hara about his actual father or mother, Heaven forbid, then he certainly transgresses the commandment to honor one's parents, and as also is subject to the curse of ארור מקלה אביו ואמו, “Cursed is one who disgraces his father or mother” (Devarim 27:26), Hashem should protect us.

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EXODUS — 20:12 honor

EXOD415 Another example of a moral rule handled halakhically is the hallowed: "Honor thy father and thy mother" [this verse] and "You shall fear every man his mother and father" [Leviticus 19:3]. In the analysis given to these commands by the rabbis, vague admonitions were spelled out in concrete terms so that these moral concerns could be realized in the ordinary and varied situations of life. Thus, "honor" is construed as the obligation, should it be necessary, to feed, clothe, shelter, and escort one's parents, from the parents' resources when possible, but if not, from one's own resources. "Fear" is interpreted as reverence, to be expressed in not sitting in one's parent's chair and in not interrupting their conversation -- being respectful in speech and gesture, no matter how great the provocation. Parental authority is limited to the framework of the Torah. That is to say, parents need not be obeyed when their commands are contrary to the rules of the Torah. The rabbis also ruled that one did not have to follow his parent's advice in the selection of a mate. They also discuss the priorities that should obtain in honoring father, mother, and teacher. The principle was expanded to include one's older brother and the obligation to honor parents even after their death. (Sefer HaChinukh, mitzvot, 33,48, and 212.)

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EXODUS — 20:12 honor

EXOD423 It was taught: R. Shimon b. Yochai says: Great is the honoring of father and mother, the Holy One Blessed be He having preferred it to His own honor. For with respect to His honor it is written (Proverbs 3:9): "Honor the Lord from your wealth." "From your wealth"--If you have [money], you are obligated [in the performance of mitzvoth entailing expense], and if not, you are exempt. In respect to the honoring of parents, however, it is written: "Honor your father and your mother" -- even if you must go collecting from door-to-door [in order to do so] (Yerushalmi Peah)

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