NUM375 A person should appreciate rebuke. The tribes of Reuven and Gad requested permission from Moshe to settle on the east bank of the Jordan River. Moshe censored to them at length (verses 6 to 15) for what he assumed to be an incipient stage of revolt. Moses told them that the Children of Israel were commanded by God to enter Eretz Yisroel, but when they would see that these two tribes refused to go any further, they also would not consent to continue traveling to the proper destination. After patiently listening to Moses's rebuke, the tribes of Reuven and Gad replied (verses 16 to 19) that they had no intention of shirking their responsibility to aid in the conquering of Eretz Yisroel. They would be at the forefront of the battle and only after victory would they return to the east bank of the Jordan. Although their intentions were honorable throughout, they remained silent while Moshe had scolded them. To hear rebuke is a privilege that a person should cherish.

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NUM376 See [[EXOD227]] Exodus 15:22 caused AMEMEI 187-8

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NUM377 Although anger is an extremely evil trait, one must sometimes conduct himself in accordance with this trait, like when it is necessary to chastise the wicked, or to instill fear in the members of his household, or to cast his fear upon his students. And when one is angry with transgressors, he must weigh the extent of his anger. Because Moshe our teacher, may peace be upon him, said to the children of Reuven and Gad [this verse]: "You are a brood of sinful men," his descendant became a priest of idols--even though he was angry for the sake of Heaven. All of man's actions require the proper measure. He must deliberate how to perform the mitzvos, both when angry and when in good spirits. If a man has the trait of anger and he suppresses his trait and his habit as if he were not one of the angry ones, about him it is written (Mishlei 16:32): "Better is he who withholds his wrath than the hero, and he who rules his spirit than a conqueror of a city"; and withholding of wrath is one of the thirteen attributes stated in relation to the Blessed Creator. The Sage has said, "He whose anger comes upon him with thought, upon him you will see composure and grace, and he whose anger comes upon him with thoughtlessness, upon him you will see folly." The Sage has said further: "He whose anger is strong and his wrath intent is not far from the demented." And he who is given to anger, his life is no life (Pesachim 113b), and he is never happy. And since he is never happy, he does not accept what transpires with love and joy, he does not acknowledge the rightness of God's justice with him, and he cannot serve the Blessed One with joy.

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NUM378 "In all thy ways, know Him"--Even when a man of piety finds it necessary to rebuke sinners, he should control his anger. While expressing indignation, he should be inwardly calm. Even Moses was punished for his anger [this verse], with his grandson Micah becoming an idolater (Judges 18:31). Though it was for the sake of heaven that he became angry, there is the right measure for all things. Sefer Hassadim, p 137.

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NUM379 Judaism would have us recognize the idolatry inherent in a life devoted exclusively to work and would have a balance our commitments to work with serious time and energy spent on other important values, most especially those of family. Overzealous commitment to work does have a deleterious effect on one's sexual and family relationships, (Classical Jewish law recognized this in demanding that a man who wanted to change to a job that would require him to be home less often could do so only with his wife's permission, even if the new job meant he would earn more money. His wife's permission was also necessary if he wanted to ply his trade in a far away place rather than a near one. See B. Ketubbot 61b, 62b; M.T. Laws of Marriage 14:2 and S.A. Even Ha'ezer 76:5) and the Jewish tradition would have us remember that one's family should take precedence over one's job. This is poignantly stated in the Rabbis' comment on (this verse) where the tribes of Ruben and Gad asked to stay in the lands the Israelites had already conquered on the eastern bank of the Jordan River so that "we might build sheep pens for our Flocks and cities for our children." On this the Rabbis comment: "They were more worried about their possessions than they were about their sons and daughters, for they mentioned their flocks before their children. Moses said to them: "Do not do that; what is primary should be primary and what is secondary, secondary. Build first cities for your children and afterwards pens for your Flocks." Tanhuma, Mattot, 1:7, and see Rashi on this verse and Numbers Rabbah 22:9) As both men and women in our society are increasingly taking on the responsibilities of careers, then, it is important to reaffirm that both men and women have critically important rules to play in providing marital companionship for each other and raising their children. Achieving a proper balance of work and family, of course, is not easy. Since most parents in our day do not live with an extended family nearby, the full burden of supporting themselves while simultaneously rearing children falls completely on them. Moreover, especially for men, but increasingly for women as well, American society defines "success" almost totally in terms of climbing the ladder at one's job. Years from now, though, when we look back on our lives, most of us will not feel bad that we did not spend more time working; we will instead regret the time that we did not spend with our spouse and children, particularly when they were young and readily available for interaction. All too often, it is not until children reach their teens or twenties that parents feel secure enough in their jobs to find the time to do things with their children; by that time, however, the children are interested in building their own independent lives and rarely have time or interest in doing things with Mom or Dad. Judaism's long-term vision about what is really important in life, as embedded in the Rabbis' commentary on the request of the tribes of Rueben and Gad, should help us keep our priorities straight as young adults and as older spouses and parents as well.

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NUM380 If a person suffered a loss of income and he does not know who caused it, then it is forbidden for him to suspect any Jew, for we may not freely label people reshaim. This halachah would apply, for example, to one who loses the contract he previously had with a government official, and does not know if someone informed on him to his boss; or if his boss decided of his own accord to fire him; or if something else happened. Regarding cases like these, the pasuk says בְּצֶ֖דֶק תִּשְׁפֹּ֥ט עֲמִיתֶֽךָ׃, “Judge your fellow favorably” (Vayikra 19:15). (However, if there is clear evidence that proves that a particular person was responsible for what happened--and the evidence meets the criteria below that delineate what constitutes clear evidence--then he is permitted to believe in his heart that this person was in fact responsible. Nevertheless, it is forbidden for him to harm that person based on this evidence, as we will explain later.) Even if he heard that a particular individual was responsible for causing him the damage, he may only consider the possibility that the information is true, and may not definitively believe it to be the truth. Furthermore, even if people confronted the individual and told him that he was rumored to have committed a terrible offence by causing harm to a fellow Jew, and the person was silent in the face of their accusation, one still cannot assume that his silence proves that the accusation is true. Although it is, in fact, a mitzvah for one to clear himself of suspicion and explain to the person who suspects him why he is innocent--as the pasuk says: וִהְיִיתֶ֧ם נְקִיִּ֛ים מֵיְהוָ֖ה וּמִיִּשְׂרָאֵ֑ל “And you shall be clean [of suspicion] before Hashem and Yisrael” (Bamidbar 32:22)--it is nevertheless possible that he felt that in this case it was better to keep quiet. Perhaps he realized that these people have so firmly believed the lashon hara and decisively concluded that he is indeed the responsible party, that they will not accept any answer he gives. He therefore decided that it is better for him to remain silent and be among those “who are insulted but do not insult, who listened to their disgrace and do not respond.” [apparently referencing Yoma 23a—AJL].

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NUM381 One who enters the Temple treasury to make a donation should wear neither: a folded garment, a shoe, a sandal, tefillin, or an amulet -- lest he grow up poor and people say: because of the sin of [stealing from] the treasury [and concealing the theft in the afore-mentioned articles], he has become impoverished; or, lest he grow rich and people say: from the proceeds of the treasury he has become wealthy. For one must be blameless in the sight of man as he must be in the sight of the Lord, as it is written: "and you shall be clean of the Lord and of Israel" (Shekalim 3:2)

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NUM384 Like an advertiser of any product who is worried that his or her product be perceived properly and not seen in a bad light, Judaism is careful that its product, that is, Judaism itself, is understood properly and not seen in a bad light.  Therefore, when a Jewish action is correct but the perception is negative, Judaism says the action should not be done, even though it is not wrong.  The classic example of this is the concept of marit ayin, in which a Jew may not do anything that is perceived as improper even though it is perfectly permissible (Shabbat 146b). Thus, an observant Jew should not enter a nonkosher restaurant merely to make a phone call because it may be perceived by others that this observant Jew is eating in this nonkosher establishment.  This very idea saved the entire Jewish people from destruction.  After the Jews made the Golden Calf, God wanted to destroy the Jewish people for their sin.  In order to save them, Moses argued that if the Jews were to be destroyed, the Egyptians would say that God destroyed the Jews because He was too weak to bring them in to the Promised Land, not because they had sinned.  Even though God was certainly strong enough and the Egyptian argument was factually false, God still did not destroy the Jews to avoid this possible misconception.  In a similar sense, a Jew must act in a manner that will be perceived as proper not only in the eyes of God but also in the eyes of his or her fellow Jew. The entire concepts of Kiddush Hashem and Chillul Hashem, sanctifying and desecrating God's name, are based on this idea of how people will perceive God.  If God’s perception is diminished because of a Jew’s actions, it is a sin.  If the perception of God is enhanced because of a Jew’s actions, it is a big mitzvah [Maimonides, Hilchot Yesodei Hatorah 5:1-2]

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NUM387 When considering the proper path in life, says the Mishna, it is not enough that we choose deeds that will bring honor only to God. They must also bring honor to other human beings (Mishna, Avot 2:1). Therefore, every time a person decides upon any behavior, he or she must be very conscious that not only is it the right thing to do in that individual's eyes and even in God's eyes, but it must likewise be behavior that others will interpret as ethical as well. This concept--acting ethically in both God's eyes and in the eyes of others--is derived from the Torah's story of the two and one-half tribes who wished to remain on the east side of the Jordan River. Even though they displayed the right motives, they had to demonstrate that their actions were ethical to God and also to their fellow Jews. (For this reason, the men left their homes and families to fight alongside the other tribes for fourteen years.) [Continued at [[NUM141]] Numbers 14:16 powerless AMJV 315]

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NUM382 [Biblical ethics conveniently fall into three categories. These are: the Ethics of Love, the Ethics of Justice and the Ethics of universal humanitarianism.] … No division ultimately exists between the ethics of Love and those of Justice -- the second of our three groups. They are both correlated, being based on the Brotherhood of Man, itself a corollary of the Fatherhood of God. The distinction between them is slight, though subtle. Whereas the ethics of Love deal expressly with acts of kindness, the ethics of Justice concern themselves with acts of human rights. The ethics of Love express the loftiness in man's nature; the ethics of Justice aim at protecting the rights of others. Justice is a prerequisite to love. When man's feelings go unchecked, his nobility and generosity have a clear road to self-expression. The purpose of justice is to curb wronGodoing. That is why many of the commands in the Torah are couched in the negative form. What man should do is the province of the first group of ethics. Within the domains of Justice it is to warn man what not to do that he may be innocent in the eyes of God and man [this verse]. Since God "judges the world with righteousness" and has "established the foundations of the earth on justice", [Ps. xcvi. 13), man, in his pursuit of holiness and perfection, must do likewise.

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