LEV586 If one sees that a person has habituated himself to these bad middos, then rather than disparage him before others, he should rebuke him directly and explain to him the severity of the prohibitions involved. In doing so, he would fulfill the positive commandment of as it says הֹוכֵ֤חַ תֹּוכִ֙יחַ֙ אֶת־עֲמִיתֶ֔ךָ וְלֹא־תִשָּׂ֥א עָלָ֖יו חֵֽטְא׃, “You shall surely rebuke your fellow, but do not bear a sin because of him [by shaming him]” (Vayikra 19:17) and might cause the person to admit that his behavior is wrong. Until then, however, the person presumably believes that his contact is correct, as that pasuk says כָּֽל־דֶּרֶךְ־אִ֭ישׁ יָשָׁ֣ר בְּעֵינָ֑יו, “Every person's conduct is straight in his eyes” (Mishlei 21:2). Therefore, it is forbidden to classify him as a rasha because of his behavior and go around disparaging him. Nevertheless, if one sees that a particular person displays a bad middah such as arrogance, anger, or the like; or if the person neglects Torah study, or engages in similarly inappropriate behavior; then it is proper to inform one's child or students of this and caution them not to associate with that person, so that they should not learn from his ways. This is permitted because the Torah’s prohibition of speaking lashon hora even when the information is true applies only if one's intent is to disparage the other person and derive pleasure from disgracing him. But if one's intent in speaking is to prevent another person from emulating the person's behavior, then it is obviously permitted to share the information, and doing so is also considered a mitzvah. However, it would seem that in such a case or in any similar scenario it is a mitzvah for the speaker to explain the reason that he is speaking negatively about the other person, so that his words do not cause the listener to mistakenly extend this heter and permit lashon hara that is unwarranted. By explaining the reason for his negative words, the speaker would also prevent the listener from being puzzled by the speaker's seemingly contradictory behavior. At times, the speaker tells him that it is forbidden to speak lashon hara even if the information is true--as we explain in section 9 that it is a great mitzvah to prevent one’s young children from violating this transgression--yet now he himself is speaking with lashon hara!

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LEV591 See [[LEV456]] Leviticus 19:15 judge SEFER 106-7

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LEV584 He used to say: If I am not for myself, who will be for me? And if I am only for myself, what am I? And if not now, when? Pirkei Avot, Perek I, mishnah 14. … Hillel may be speaking of the need to correct oneself and be self-critical. There are some things that even your best friend will not tell you. In fact, because he is a friend he may not correct you for fear of losing your friendship. Hence, "If I am not for myself, if I do not take my self in hand and improve my ways, who will be for me?" On the other hand, "if I am only for myself," if I too fall prey to the conspiracy of silence and do not correct others, then I am not fulfilling my obligation. Our Torah tells us, "You shall surely rebuke your fellow" [this verse]. If he is truly a friend, he will appreciate it as something intended to benefit him.

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LEV583 Greater is Torah than the cohen's realm and than royalty: for royalty is acquired with thirty attainments, and the cohen's realm with twenty-four, while the Torah is acquired by forty-eight things. And they are: [33] loves reproofs. Pirkei Avot, Perek VI, mishnah 6. Why, we might ask, is a love of reproof a station, a stage of development, on the road to the mastery of the Torah? In his study, the devoted scholar realizes time and again that the Torah is no romantic literature for entertainment and delight. It upgrades and admonishes, chastises and demands. But accepting its unbending law, rising to its demands, he is elevated and grows in character. As he accedes to the Torah's stern words with benefit, so does the scholar come to accept with good grace the rebuke of teachers and fellow-students, finding there his guidelines to self-improvement. In turn he learns to reprove others, knowing it is the only way to really help them. ... So the scholar learns to make rebuke and chastisement a significant part of his life, a necessary extension of Torah study. Scripture bids him, "Reprove shall you reprove your fellow." The double verb indicates, say the Sages, that you should be ready to castigate someone even four or five times--even one hundred--until he is ready to strike or curse or calumnify you [this verse, T.B. Baba Metzi'a 31a; Arakin 16b; Midrash Sifra, K'doshim iv.] The scholar knows he may not be popular as a result; but this is Heaven's will, for man's improvement: "Whoever chastises his fellow for the sake of Heaven, merits to enter the domain of the Holy, Blessed One; moreover, a thread of grace is drawn through his life." (T.B. Tamid 28a) So the Sages give assurance that ultimately the scholar will not be shunned or disliked: people will regard him with favor and affection, realizing that his criticism is no scalpel or hammer of irrational enmity but a kindly instrument used with discretion for their benefit. ... To keep silent is certainly safe and pleasant. The Sages astutely note, "If his townspeople are kindly disposed toward a rabbinic scholar, it is not because is of superior quality, but because he does not rebuke them about matters concerning Heaven" (T.B. Kethuboth 105b). This is clearly an occupational disease of the American rabbinate. The average American Jew lacks the education to accept and value censure from the pulpit. Criticism of American foreign policy--yes; a polished review of a current play or novel--yes. But rebuke of our business ethics, reproof about morality in our family life, chastisement about Jewish observance--heavens, no!

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LEV593 The final words of [this verse] can also be translated as "but do not bear sin because of him." The Rabbis understood the ambiguity in the Hebrew as meaning that, even when criticizing someone, you should not commit a sin by shaming him or her. As Rashi explains in his commentary on this verse: "Though rebuking him, you should not publicly embarrass him, in which case you will bear sin on account of him." To the question, "Should you rebuke one to the point that his face changes color?" the Talmud responds, "No" (Arachin 16b). Shaming someone is both ineffective and immoral. If you're rebuking a person for a serious offense, shaming him will only make him defensive, and thus render your words less effective. And if you're rebuking someone for a small offense (as a parent may do to a child who has broken a plate), then shaming him is a greater sin than the offense itself. The best way to avoid shaming a person is to deliver the criticism privately (See the opening paragraph of this chapter), "with soft language and gentle words" (See Sefer Ha-Chinnuch, commandment number 239). For more on not shaming or humiliating another, see chapters 29 and 31 [of this volume].

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LEV581 [This] commandment means that we should not remain silent when we observe someone behaving badly. [This often-overlooked commandment is so significant that the Talmud teaches, "Jerusalem was destroyed because its citizens didn't rebuke one another" (Shabbat 119b). Thus, no matter how elevated a society is--and Jerusalem has long been regarded as Judaism's premier city--if people don't effectively critique each other's ethical lapses, the society will deteriorate quickly.] Rather, we should speak to the person and point out what's wrong with his behavior (See the next chapter for ways to express criticism). The verse's second clause, "and not bear sin because of him," means that if we have the ability to influence someone who is acting improperly, and don't, then we share in responsibility for that person's misdeeds (See Nachmanides' commentary on this verse].

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LEV580 [If after confronting the person] "If the person admits his offense, and asks for forgiveness, you should be ready to forgive" (Maimonides, "The Laws of Character Development" 6:6).

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LEV585 Honoring While Giving Rebuke. The verse says, "Surely rebuke your fellow man and do not bear sin because of him" [this verse]. Sifra states: "Even if one gives rebuke four and five times to no avail, he is obligated to continue to rebuke the sinner. Should he give rebuke even if this will cause embarrassment to the sinner? The verse says, 'Do not bear sin because of him.'" This teaches that it is prohibited to rebuke the transgressor in public if this will cause embarrassment; however, one is obligated to continue giving rebuke in private (this law is discussed in detail in Sefer HaChinuch, mitzvah 500). Sefer Orach Meisharim (ch. 31) writes that the person giving rebuke should not speak harshly; instead, he should assure the sinner that it is in his own best interest to accept the rebuke. He should speak gently and argue in a logical and sincere manner, thus sparing the sinner embarrassment. Furthermore, the purpose of giving rebuke is that the sinner change his ways. Concerning this, the Sages say, "The words of a wise man are heard in gentleness" (Koheles 19:17)--over-aggressiveness on the part of the person giving rebuke will have the effect of further entrenching the sinner in his ways. (Continued at [[NUM251]] Numbers 20:10 rebels WAGS 75-6).

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LEV615 Thus, to achieve atonement, every Jew must focus on the needs of the sinning Jew, or the Jew who has no Torah learning and no observance. (Rema on Shulchan Aruch, Orach Chaim 664:7; Shelah commentary on Sukkah, Perek Ner, Mitzvah 7). This sensitivity to sinners was also taught by Beruriah, the wife of Rabbi Meir. She castigated her husband for praying that sinners should die, convincing him that he was in error and that Judaism only advocates the disappearance of sin and/or the habitual sinners. Beruriah then urged her husband to pray that these men would repent (Berachot 10a). It is important to note that when rebuking the sinner for his or her evil ways, a Jew must possess sensitivity. There is a general commandment in the Torah to admonish Jewish sinners in order to induce them to repent [this verse]. Why is it that the commandment not to hate someone and the commitment to rebuke are placed in the very same verse? This teaches that even when one rebukes a person who is sinning, the rebuke may never be with even the smallest portion of hate.

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LEV609 See [[LEV485]] Leviticus 19:16 idly DORFFLOV 52-3

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