GEN302 The essential teaching of Judaism is that its believers must have love and kindness for all, malice and prejudice towards none. When first created, man was told that “it is not good for man to be alone.” [this verse].  He must regard himself as a member of a large family, a limb in a body known as humanity. This consciousness creates many responsibilities and solemn duties towards those with whom he is a fellow-pilgrim on earth. His life is no longer to be considered as his own to do with it as he pleases. He will now realize that just as their conduct affects him, so will his conduct affect them. The story of the man in the boat who, having nothing to do while his friend was strenuously rowing, idly occupies his leisure in drilling a hole under his seat and answers his friend’s complaint of his dangerous action with the retort that the hole is under his seat only – forgetting that the water would flood the whole boat – is at the very essence of social ethics. Leviticus Rabbah 4:6.  One of our teachings in the Torah is that the indiscretions of one man may cause the misery of a community. Numbers 16:22 in connection with the rebellion of Korah. This is especially true when applied to the attitude the world adopts towards the Jew. Instead of judging him by the best representative, he is judged by the worst type.  Our ethics teach us to be considerate and pleasant towards others. Ketubot 17a Such consideration for the safety of others was shown by one saintly character, Rabbi Leib Hasid of Kelm, who, after the ceremony at his wedding, picked up the pieces of the glass he had just broken lest one trod upon them to his hurt. It is not enough for the pious Jew not to cause injury directly; he must go out of his way to prevent the occurrence of any such damage. It is told of many Rabbis that perceiving any obstacle on the ground likely to cause injury, they would remove it. “He who wishes to be regarded as pious, must fulfill the words laid down concerning damage” Baba Kamma 30a  LEHRMAN 197-8

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GEN304 When God advised Adam that “it is not good for man to be alone” [this verse], this meant that man would never achieve perfection alone, unaided by a good wife. To live in the so-called “single blessedness” is an error, resulting in loneliness and frustration. “Without a wife, man lives without joy, blessing, peace or anything that can really be called good.”  Yevamot 62b  He is not the complete man, and in the Life to Come he will have to answer, on Judgment Day, the question why he remained unwedded throughout his earthly pilgrimage. Shabbat 31a. Further, by not marrying, man is prone to be held in suspicious, thus transgressing the command “then ye shall be clear before the Lord and before Israel”. Numbers 32:22  A Rabbi cautions us that “in order to appear blameless before men and God, one must remove any cause for suspicious”. Yoma 38a  LEHRMAN 239

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GEN303 The Torah suggests we are both destructive and constructive, and evolutionary psychology tells us why. We are born to compete and cooperate. On the one hand, life is a competitive struggle for scarce resources—so we fight and kill. On the other hand, we survive only within groups. Without habits of cooperation, altruism, and trust, we would have no groups and we would not survive. That is part of what the Torah means when it says, It is not good for man to be alone” [this verse].  SACKS 10-11

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GEN305 When you have a problem, consult with people you know to be wise. “The more counsel, the more understanding” The Ethics of the Fathers 2:8 Indeed, one reason “it is not good for man to be alone” is that we are forced to make major life decisions without the counsel of a sympathetic friend.  For example, some years ago, a friend did something that hurt me deeply.  I wrote him an angry but, in my opinion fair, letter, then showed it to several friends before I sent it.  Two of them told me that one paragraph in the letter was too hurtfully personal.  I deleted it.  My friend responded to my letter, and apologized.  Thus the matter was resolved amicably.  To this day I am certain that had I not shown the letter to other people and followed their advice to delete the offensive paragraph, the letter would have been counterproductive and might have ended our friendship.  TELVOL 1:146-7

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GEN306 It is unnatural for a person to live without true friends or without seeking true friendships.  The person who truly does not want to have friends and does not seek friends does not live a normal existence.  Next to family, it is the most important human relationship a person can have. When God told man that it is not good that he remain alone, God meant that man needs a lifelong friend.  Hopefully, a spouse fulfills that role.  Sometimes, though, a friend can also act as a helpmate.  Ecclesiastes describes a friendship when he says that “two are better than one.”  Kohelet 4:9-12.  AMEMEI 78-9

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GEN307 Marriage must be based not only upon physiological instinct but also upon psychic factors, such as the desire for companionship, affection and love.  In a polygamist age, the wife was spoken of as a man’s helpmate [this verse].  The marriage relation is referred to in Proverbs 2:17 as a Divine covenant. C.H. Toy comments: “The old polygamy or bigamy (The rule up to the Exile) is ignored; monogamy is assumed as the established custom.  The husband is the trusted friend; the marriage-tie has a Divine sanction (cf. Malachi 2:14). The expression covenant of God may refer simply to the general idea of sacredness involved, or it may possibly allude to the religious marriage ceremony.” The primary meaning of the rabbinic term for marriage, Kiddushin, is setting the wife apart for the husband alone, rendering her tabu to any other man. Kiddushin 2b. COHON 164-5

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GEN308 The attitude of Judaism toward sex well illustrates its idea of sanctity. Condemning both libertinism and morbid asceticism, it does not regard the sex instinct as an evil. Only when abused and debased as an instrument of lust and vice, does it lead to human corruption and degradation. As the natural means for the preservation of the race, it has the benediction of the Torah. Marriage is treated not as a mere concession to the flesh, (Cf. Paul’s view in 1 Corinthians 7:1ff) but as a divinely established institution [this verse]. The command, “Increase, multiply, and fill the earth” Genesis 1:28 was construed by the rabbis as the first of the 613 Pentateuchal commandments.  While the chief aim of marriage is procreation of offspring, sexual gratification was likewise recognized as one of its aims. Woman was to be not merely a child-bearer but also a sex-partner. Far from enjoining abstention from legitimate cohabitation, the Halachah orders both the man and wife to respect each other’s conjugal rights. However, sanity and consideration must characterize the relations. Hilchut Ishut 14 The highest interest of the race demand that the wellsprings of life be kept pure and undefiled. Hence Judaism sanctions sexual relations only between husband and wife. Any other form of sex experience constitutes Zenut, lewdness or immorality. Irregular relationships unsettled the foundations of the family and of the social order. Prostitution, in particular, menaces human well-being. Aside from its danger to health, its unfortunate victims are reduced to the status of slaves, serving as the mere tools of lust. COHON 163-4

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GEN309 The Sages taught: Concerning an orphan boy who has come to marry, the community tries its utmost to provide for all of his needs.  The charities rent a house for him, arrange for him a bed and all his utensils, and thereafter they marry him a wife, as it is stated: “But you shall surely open your hand to him, and shall surely lend him sufficient for his deficiency in that which is deficient for him” Deuteronomy 15:8. With regard to the phrase “sufficient for his deficiency,” this is referring to the house. “Which is deficient”’ this is referring to a bed and table. “For him”’ this is referring to a wife.  And similarly the verse states: “I will make him a helper for him” when God created a wife for Adam.  Ketubot 67b.  SEFARIA.ORG

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GEN310 [Continued from [[GEN195]] 1:31 GOODSOC 4] The second account of creation sees man in a very special light, as a truly human being, separate from the rest of nature.  Here the Bible no longer says what it had regularly said about the rest of creation, "Behold it was good.” Instead, it offers a judgment on man’s condition and terms it lo tov, “not good” [this verse]. What was “not good” was man’s lack of human companionship.  As man he could not be fully satisfied by communion with the rest of nature.  Elevated and thus alienated from the other creatures, he was placed in a position of exploitation and manipulation vis-à-vis nature.  With non-human nature he could not form genuine relationships.  Only society can satisfy man’s craving for relating to someone outside himself; thus woman was created.  The bond between husband and wife thus offers a model for all human relationships.  GOODSOC 4

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GEN311 Man, like all beings, must be treated as what he is, but what he is is a self-conscious and self-choosing being.  His personhood morally requires recognition as personhood.  It is for this reason, before any biological exigency is fixed, that God can judge (not as a fiat or imposition but as a statement of fact), [this verse].  Humanity needs society. No being, not even God, but only another person can accord the friendship and mutuality that personhood requires.  JHRHV 38

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