EXOD418 I can want to do my duty, either through being acculturated to doing so (that is, I do it out of habit) or because I want something that depends on doing my duty. So, for example, I may avoid having an affair because the prohibition of adultery has been ingrained in me since childhood, even before I knew what the word meant. Alternatively, I may adhere to my duty to remain faithful, despite temptations to the contrary, because I know that doing the right thing will contribute to having a good relationship with my spouse. Whether or not I want to do my duty, though, I feel duties as a burden on me that I must do. In contrast, I usually want to do what is morally good, for such actions, by definition, lead to a desirable state. Moreover, what is desirable may not be desired, but it often is. I may not know what the right thing is to do, for I may be subject to several conflicting duties. In such circumstances, I will be in a quandary that I must resolve to determine which of those duties takes precedence over the rest. Once my duty is clear, though, it feels completely and compellingly obligatory; indeed, all my duties feel that way. That is the nature of duty. The Rabbis noted a similar thing in regard to the Torah's commandments. The Torah promises the reward of long life for fulfilling two commandments: the duty to honor your parents and the duty to shoo away the mother bird before taking her eggs. The former obligation lasts for a person's entire life, while the latter takes but a second. This teaches you, said the Rabbis, that while some commandments may be more difficult than others to fulfill and while they may even carry with them different rewards according to their respective difficulty, they are all equally obligatory. (The reward of long life for honoring parents: Exodus 20:12 and Deuteronomy 5:16. For shooing away the mother bird before taking her eggs: Deuteronomy 22:6-7. The Rabbis’ lessons from this: B. Kiddushin 39b and B. Hullin 142a.)

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EXOD410 … children must bury their parents and fulfill the mourning rights in their honor, and children are known in Jewish rituals by their first name and then son or daughter of their parents' names. [The rabbinic interpretation of the biblical commandments to honor and respect parents (found in this verse and Leviticus 19:3), appears in B. Kiddushin 31b; see generally 30b-32a]. The child clearly owes these things to his or her social parents, for the Talmud states that children must honor and respect their stepfather and stepmother. [B Ketubbot 103a and S.A. Yoreh De'ah 240:21ff]

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EXOD414 Abuse of elderly or infirm parents is, unfortunately, a growing phenomenon in our society, especially as people live longer and suffer from the mental and physical disabilities of old age. The Jewish tradition has no room for maltreatment of parents. Parents, of course, are human beings and are, therefore, protected under the provisions of Jewish law prohibiting assault and demanding monetary remedies for it. The Torah, though, makes parents special. It specifically prohibits striking one's father or mother, and it prescribes the death penalty for one who does so. [Exodus 21:15; compare B. Sanhedrin 84b. If the child did not cause a bruise while striking his or her parents, however, the child is liable for the damages of assault rather than for the death penalty; see M. Bava Kamma 8:3]. That leaves little room for doubt about the Torah's view of striking parents. If any more grounding is sought for prohibiting parental abuse, it would come from the Torah's positive commandments to honor and respect one's parents.

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EXOD416 Classical Jewish texts understand [the] commands to teach us not only about proper relationships to parents but also about the nature of, and our relationship to, God. In almost Freudian terms, God serves, in part, as an extension of our parents. According to the Rabbis, God is one of our parents: "There are three partners in the creation of every human being: the Holy One, blessed be He, the father, and the mother. The father provides the white matter [probably because semen is white], from which are formed the bones, sinews, nails, brain, and the white part of the eye. The mother provides the red matter [probably because of menstrual blood is red], from which are formed the skin, flesh, hair, and pupil of the eye. The Holy One, blessed be He, infuses into each person breath, soul, features, vision, hearing, speech, power of motion, understanding, and intelligence." B. Niddah 31a. Through showing honor and respect for parents, then, one learns, as Philo noted, how to relate to God. Honor and respect are fitting in each case because both God and parents have a role in bringing us into being, in nurturing us physically and psychologically, and in teaching us how to live. Both also have physical power over us- at least, in the case of parents, in our early years--and both influence us psychologically throughout our lives. We must learn these attitudes and the justifications for them intellectually, incorporating awareness of them into our perspective of ourselves and our relations to others; indeed, a portion of this lesson we must apply even to the inanimate world, recognizing our dependence on it and the aptness of our gratitude for it. Beyond our intellects, however, this knowledge must penetrate our being, shaping our personalities. Humility, care and concern for others, piety, and gratitude are the virtues one learns from honor and respect for parents. These lessons are so important that, according to the Rabbis, God puts honor and reverence for parents on a par with the honor and reference due God...

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EXOD428 Philo, a first-century Jewish thinker, suggested another lesson based on the placement of the fifth commandment within the structure of the ten. The Ten Commandments are commonly divided into two, the first five referring to the relationships between human beings and God, and the second group referring to strictly human relationships. That is because within the first group, the phrase "the Lord your God" is used five times, whereas the second group includes no mention of God. Furthermore, the first group features duties unique to the People Israel, but the second group seems to apply to all people; indeed, the laws of many other peoples of the ancient world specify parallel prohibitions, although it is only in the Torah that they are presented as divine commandments rather than the fruit of human wisdom. Finally, it is striking that the document opens with "the Lord your God" and closes with "your neighbor." This division into two groups of five, then, makes the command to honor parents the last of the Commandments governing our relationship with God, just before those relating to the human community exclusively. Noting this, Philo suggested that the command to honor parents is placed in that position so that it acts as a bridge between God and human beings, for it is our parents who teach us both how to behave in human society and we are to think and act toward God.

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EXOD435 The Two Basic Filial Duties: Honor and Respect. Two of the Torah’s commandments establish the foundation for the Jewish concept of parent-child relationships--the duties to honor one's parents and to fear or respect them: “Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long upon the land which the Lord your God is giving you. (Exodus 20:12). “You shall fear every man his mother and his father, and you shall keep My Sabbaths: I am the Lord your God (Leviticus 19:3). In typical rabbinic fashion, the Rabbis immediately try to define what each of these commandments entails and how they differ from each other. As a boy, I always thought that the commandment to honor my parents applied to me and my young friends and that it commanded us to obey our parents. That, however, is not how the Rabbis define it. Instead, they determine that it applies to adult children who have positive duties (that is, things they must do) to care for their elderly parents when they cannot care for themselves. As long as the parents have financial resources, the children may use them to carry out this obligation, but once the parents’ money runs out, the children must use their own resources to finance the services required by this commandment. The duty to respect (or fear) one's parents, on the other hand, involves negative duties to refrain from actions that would reduce the parents psychologically and socially to the level of their children. They may therefore not sit in either parent’s chair (assuming that the parent has a special one ) or contradict the parent in public. The latter duty, however, does not mean that the child must always agree with their parent or may not challenge the parent in private; this is rather a matter of preserving the honor of the parent in public forums.

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EXOD424 Let us now examine the motive of each one of these five kinds of benefactors: Is it purely the good of the beneficiary, or might there be an ulterior motive involved? First, the favors of a parent for his child: clearly, a parent intends to further his own interests through his child. The child is part of the parents, who places great hopes in him. Observe how parents are more sensitive to the needs of their children -- in regard to food, drink, and clothing, and keeping them from harm's way – than to their own needs. They gladly put up with all the trouble and hard work that goes into providing the child with security. This is because parents, by nature, have been endowed with feelings of mercy and compassion for their children. Nevertheless, both the Torah and reason oblige the child to serve, honor, and revere his parents, as it is written: “Honor your father and your mother (Shemos 20:12); Each person must revere his mother and his father (Vayikra 19: 3); Listen, my son, to the instruction of your father, and do not forsake the teaching of your mother (Mishlei 1:8); A son honors his father, and a servant his master (Malachi 1:6). [The child is so obliged] even though his parents [in helping him] are driven by force of nature. The good actually comes from God; the parent is only the agent.

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EXOD425 Many of the sources, particularly the medieval mystical sources, expand on a statement in the Talmud that finds one more individual to whom the obligation to honor parents directly extends, i.e., God. For the mystics, the essence of the person is the soul, though the person is a composite of body and soul. The human parents create the body of the child while God creates the essence, the soul of the child. Therefore, God is the primary parent, the essential parent, the ultimate parent, the parent of all parents. In this view, discussed in …Nahmanides' Commentary to the Torah [on this verse], honoring the parent is considered a commandment applicable primarily to God, and only by extension to the human parent. See Niddah 31a; Zohar 1:49, 3:219b--Raya Mehemma on Leviticus 19:3.

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EXOD432 The mitzvah of honoring parents is one of the few religious obligations in the Torah with a promise attached to it. Placing it in the Torah in this way stresses its importance: "Honor your mother and father, so that your days may be long on the land that God gives you." According to the Mishnah, honoring parents is one of the few religious obligations for which one is rewarded in this world and in the world to come (Talmud Peah 1:1). In order to help us understand what "honoring one's parents" means in everyday life, the rabbis have taught that honoring them includes providing them with food, drink, and clothing, as well as guiding their footsteps as they grow older. The Book of Leviticus [19:3] also states the children are to "revere" their parents. Some said that it literally means to stand in awe of them. Others suggested that it means that we should respect them because we are afraid of them. According to another interpretation in the Talmud (Kiddushin 31b), to revere one's parents means that a child should not sit in their chair, speak in their place, or contradict what they say. Clearly, we see from this statement the great respect that was expected to be given to parents by their children. [Author continues with twenty-six statements from Jewish sources providing examples of honoring parents].

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EXOD419 Is Playing Hooky Unethical? A school is a workplace, with expectations and rules, and has its own unique business ethics issues. One dilemma faced by virtually all students is the ethics of cutting classes. A: All the kids at my high school, when they have a doctor's appointment and the like, stay out a little longer for lunch or ice cream. On a "once in a while" basis, is this a real problem ethically? Are we "robbing" our parents, who pay a fortune to send us to private school? A: The issue of cutting class is a difficult ethical dilemma. On the one hand, it seems clear that cutting classes occasionally is not inherently unethical. After all, you're not getting paid by the hour. Judaism considers girls over the age of twelve and boys over the age of thirteen to be adults responsible for their own decisions. Sometimes a student may make a mature decision that some other activity is more important than school attendance. At the same time, there is no doubt that playing hooky can involve a variety of serious ethical problems. It's rare to find a conscientious individual who does not make class attendance an overriding priority, and there are plenty of students who are scrupulous never to miss a class. An examination of some of the ethical issues involved will provide a foundation for judging the boundaries of acceptable behavior. Honoring parents. Honoring parents is a very important matter. Everyone has an obligation to honor their parents; this is so important that it is one of the Ten Commandments [this verse]. Although this obligation does not require a child to obey every order given by a father or a mother, Jewish tradition ascribes immense value to obedience. Parents are generally in an excellent position to judge what norms and obligations are best for their children. As long as you are living at home, you have the additional responsibility of conforming to household norms, which probably include regular school attendance. If good attendance is very important to your parents, or if your skipping classes will reflect badly on them or on other family members, there is a good chance that you will be falling short of your responsibility to your family if you miss class. Respect for Teachers. In Jewish tradition, a student is obliged to show respect and reverence toward his teachers. This is especially true in Torah studies but applies also to secular studies [Pesachim 108a]. Skipping class shows disrespect for teachers and for the school as a whole. In addition to the inherent problem of showing disrespect, class cutting may demoralize a school's teachers and precipitate a breakdown in the school's discipline, problems that may eventually affect the entire student body and faculty. Another serious problem is that playing hooky may incite other students to follow your example, against their better judgment and their best interest. Honor code. If your school has an honor code, you must abide by it. An honor code is a solemn obligation that students take upon themselves, and they must be careful to live up to its standards. But by the same token, the school's administrators should ensure that any honor code students are expected to adopt makes only reasonable demands. If the code's requirements are excessive, then it invites cynicism and educates toward expediency. Jewish law specifies that sons and daughters have a strict responsibility to obey when their parents ask for help, but balances this with a stern warning that parents must not make excessive and in reasonable demands. [Shulhan Arukh, Yoreh Deah 240:19] Temptation to Cover Up. The act of cutting class has very strong ethical ramifications because a student who cuts may be strongly tempted to misbehave in other ways. If he is caught, he is tempted to lie; having missed class, he may be tempted to copy homework or cheat on an exam. The Mishnah tells us that "one transgression drags along another," [Avot 4:2] and this is certainly true of playing hooky. Jewish tradition warns us against putting our values to the test in this way. A short prayer which is part of the morning service begs God to save us from "temptation and disgrace," which all too often go together. Conclusion. Mature teenagers are beginning to take on adult responsibility. This means that they can begin to establish their own priorities, which are not necessarily identical to the expectations others have of them. Perhaps there are times when serious and important commitments should have priority over school attendance. On the other hand, attaining a sense of responsibility means that the students should be able to appreciate the immense importance of a good education and of a positive attitude toward the schools they attend and the norms that apply in school. A student who carefully takes account of all these considerations will very likely conclude that skipping class is seldom a good idea. The best solution is to obtain permission in advance for any valid absence from class, thus avoiding the problems of cynicism and disrespect.

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