EXOD429 Respecting one's parents is a bedrock of Judaism. Not only is it one of the Ten Commandments, [this verse], but, according to the Jerusalem Talmud, Pe'ah 3b it is even more important than respecting the Almighty Himself. This is demonstrated from the verse Proverbs 3:9 that commands of man to respect God "from your substance," which means from what one owns. Thus, when it comes to God, one need honor Him only if one has possessions, but if one has no possessions, he need not honor God (through donations to charity, buying ritual objects, and so forth). However in regard to honoring parents, the demand by [this verse] for honor is unconditional and unqualified. The Midrash Tanchuma, Kedoshim 15 also demonstrates how important and unique this particular mitzvah is. In regard to the observance of all other commitments, God will sometimes deny reward for a mitzvah to a wicked person if his overall conduct is unworthy. However, a very wicked person who honors his parents will always receive his reward. Thus Esau, who, despite his wickedness, dutifully honored his father Isaac, was generously rewarded.

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EXOD430 The classic text defining the specific requirements to fulfill "Honor your father and your mother" and "You shall fear your mother and your father" Leviticus 19:3 can be found in the Talmud Kiddushin 31b. "Fear" is defined as not sitting or standing in the parent's designated place not contradicting a parent, while "honor" is defined as feeding parents, clothing parents, and helping them come in and out. On the face of it, it does not seem that a person is being honored by making sure they are fed or clothed. These are acts of charity usually reserved for homeless or poor people. How can this be called honor? The Hebrew word in the Torah in the verse regarding parents, kavod, does not really mean honor, which is a poor English translation. In another talmudic statement, Berachot 19b, this same word is used to say that human dignity is extremely important. Therefore, that the true meaning of the word kavod is dignity. Thus, the mitzvah is to dignify one's father and mother, to keep their dignity. We can now understand the specifics mentioned in the Talmud. Keeping parents closed and fed when they can no longer do so for themselves indeed retains their dignity. Similarly, helping them in and out of the house preserves their dignity. Thus, the first mitzvah is to preserve a parent's dignity at all costs. The other term, morah, does not really mean fear or awe as usually translated, but this is the real word for honor and respect. We show respect and honor by not interrupting or by not sitting in someone's seat. The idea of keeping a parent's dignity as the essence of the mitzvah is borne out by passage in the Jerusalem Talmud Pe'ah 3b which says that it is possible to feed one's parent succulent hens and still inherit hell, while a person can make his parent work on a grindstone and still inherit paradise.

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EXOD426 Normally, when we speak about showing a person honor, the dictionary defines that concept as "high respect, as that shown for special merit." But in Judaism, Kavod also signifies a basic human dignity. Berachot 19b. Thus, when the Torah commands children to honor their parents, most people normally understand this to signify giving parents respect and treating them with reverence or esteem. But the Talmud defines honoring one's parents as giving them enough food and drink to survive, making sure they are dressed, and helping infirm parents in and out of the house. Kiddushin 31b

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EXOD417 Honor of parents is honor of God; dishonor or parents is dishonor of God. "Rabbi [Judy HaNasi, 2nd cent.] said: 'Honor of father and mother is dear to him who created the world [God] for he equated honor and reverence for them with honor and reverence for him, and cursing of parents is like cursing him'" (this verse, Mechilta). The exalted status of parents is inherent in their biological kinship to their children. Philo the Alexandrian (1st cent.) expressed this view in the following passage: "Parents are human, they are born and die, but they are also divine because they created life" (On the Ten Commandments). Philo's words are not to be taken literally as an attribution of divinity to the personage of a parent, a belief prevalent in some ancient cults. He is merely stating that parents possess divine qualities. The ability to create life is a divine power which they share with God, the creator of all life. By honoring the divine qualities of parenthood one also honors God, who bestows these powers upon them. By the same token, if one dishonors his parents he also dishonors God. In the words of Ben Sera (2nd century B.C.E.) "He that forsakes his father is a blasphemer" (Ecclus. 3:16). The traditional link between parenthood and God helped create the father-image of God in a spiritual and physical sense. According to tradition, it is God who implants the soul in the body. He is therefore the spiritual father of the human race. Beyond that, it is God's established law of nature which makes it possible for the human embryo to grow and develop. In the words of the Psalmist: "For thou hast made my reigns, thou hast knit me together in my mother's womb" (Psalms 139:13). This concept provided the basis for the Talmudic statement that "there are three partners in the creation of man, God and father and mother" (Kiddushin 30b).

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EXOD411 "Fearing" God, Honoring Our Parents. We learn a good deal about this intermediate kind of yirah by looking at its human consequence: "I might not know what the implications of 'fear' are, but when the Torah tells us that we shall rise when the elderly enter and thus fear God, it indicates that we are also required to have deep respect for our teachers as well as our parents and God" (Tan. Beha'alotekha 11). More specifically, the Torah directs us to link yirah with kavod, honor. Leviticus thus commands: "You shall' fear' your mother and father" (19:3). Yehiel b. Yekutiel learns from this: "Just as we must fear and honor the Holy One, Blessed be He, so must we fear and honor our father and mother, as the Decalogue says: 'Honor your father and your mother' [this verse]. God connects anyone who honors and fears his father and mother with fear and honor of the Holy One, Blessed be He. ... Both men and women are obligated to carry out this mitzvah" (Sefer Maalot Hamiddot). This discussion is based on talmudic analysis: "Which aspect of one's service is termed 'fear,' and which 'honor'? Fear: One must not stand or sit in his father's place, or contradict his words, or uphold another in an argument against him. Honor: One must feed his father, give him drink, bathe him, anoint him, clothe him, shod him, and bring him in and take him out (Kid. 31a). Our parents did all this and more for us; shouldn't we at least do the same for them, should they require it? Yet there is more to this duty than simple repayment, for our parents evoke a certain awe in us, a reflection of our respect for them. "Issi b. Judah taught: If your father asks you for some water and you have other mitzvot to do, if they can be done by someone else, let them be done by others so you may occupy yourself with the mitzvah of honoring your parents" (Kid. 32a). When Rabbi Eliezer Hagadol was asked by his students how far they must extend themselves in honoring their parents, he replied: "You can learn a good lesson about this from the conduct of Dama b. Nethina. When his senile mother would strike him in the presence of his friends, he would only say, 'Enough, my mother'" (Deut. R. 1.14). Our special sensibility to parents often increases after they die. When mentioning a deceased parent, people quickly add: "of blessed memory for life in the world to come" (Kid. 31b).

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EXOD420 It is a positive commandment to respect one's father and mother [this verse]. Now, what is the honor [meant here]? – One is to provide food and drink and clothing, out of the father's money. But if the father has no money and the son does, the son is compelled to sustain his father according to his means. And he is to attend upon them [his parents] in the way that a bondservant attends upon his master. He is to honor him [his father] even after his death. … Honoring one's father takes precedence over honoring his mother, since both he and his mother are obligated to honor his father.

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EXOD421 It is fitting for a person to acknowledge and to show gratitude to those who have been kind to him. How base and disgusting it is if the recipient of kindness behaves as a stranger toward those who have been good to him. It is disgraceful to behave in an unappreciative manner. Each person must realize that he owes a tremendous debt of gratitude to his parents; not only did they bring him into the world; they also made great efforts for him in order to provide him with all of his needs during his childhood. Accordingly, one is truly obliged to honor one's parents and help them in every way possible. By performing this mitzvah, one becomes accustomed to display gratitude out of a true feeling of appreciation. As a result, one more easily senses a great debt of gratitude to Hashem, for He, too, brought us into the world. Hashem supplies us our needs all of our days. He bestows upon us a physical body that performs all of the functions necessary for life. More than that, Hashem gives us an intelligent and understanding soul. Were it not for the unique human soul that is breathed into our nostrils by Hashem Himself we would be as stupid and uncomprehending as horses, donkeys and the other beasts. If we reflect on this matter we will feel deep feelings of gratitude toward Him and will recognize the importance of dutifully serving Him.

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EXOD418 I can want to do my duty, either through being acculturated to doing so (that is, I do it out of habit) or because I want something that depends on doing my duty. So, for example, I may avoid having an affair because the prohibition of adultery has been ingrained in me since childhood, even before I knew what the word meant. Alternatively, I may adhere to my duty to remain faithful, despite temptations to the contrary, because I know that doing the right thing will contribute to having a good relationship with my spouse. Whether or not I want to do my duty, though, I feel duties as a burden on me that I must do. In contrast, I usually want to do what is morally good, for such actions, by definition, lead to a desirable state. Moreover, what is desirable may not be desired, but it often is. I may not know what the right thing is to do, for I may be subject to several conflicting duties. In such circumstances, I will be in a quandary that I must resolve to determine which of those duties takes precedence over the rest. Once my duty is clear, though, it feels completely and compellingly obligatory; indeed, all my duties feel that way. That is the nature of duty. The Rabbis noted a similar thing in regard to the Torah's commandments. The Torah promises the reward of long life for fulfilling two commandments: the duty to honor your parents and the duty to shoo away the mother bird before taking her eggs. The former obligation lasts for a person's entire life, while the latter takes but a second. This teaches you, said the Rabbis, that while some commandments may be more difficult than others to fulfill and while they may even carry with them different rewards according to their respective difficulty, they are all equally obligatory. (The reward of long life for honoring parents: Exodus 20:12 and Deuteronomy 5:16. For shooing away the mother bird before taking her eggs: Deuteronomy 22:6-7. The Rabbis’ lessons from this: B. Kiddushin 39b and B. Hullin 142a.)

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EXOD410 … children must bury their parents and fulfill the mourning rights in their honor, and children are known in Jewish rituals by their first name and then son or daughter of their parents' names. [The rabbinic interpretation of the biblical commandments to honor and respect parents (found in this verse and Leviticus 19:3), appears in B. Kiddushin 31b; see generally 30b-32a]. The child clearly owes these things to his or her social parents, for the Talmud states that children must honor and respect their stepfather and stepmother. [B Ketubbot 103a and S.A. Yoreh De'ah 240:21ff]

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EXOD414 Abuse of elderly or infirm parents is, unfortunately, a growing phenomenon in our society, especially as people live longer and suffer from the mental and physical disabilities of old age. The Jewish tradition has no room for maltreatment of parents. Parents, of course, are human beings and are, therefore, protected under the provisions of Jewish law prohibiting assault and demanding monetary remedies for it. The Torah, though, makes parents special. It specifically prohibits striking one's father or mother, and it prescribes the death penalty for one who does so. [Exodus 21:15; compare B. Sanhedrin 84b. If the child did not cause a bruise while striking his or her parents, however, the child is liable for the damages of assault rather than for the death penalty; see M. Bava Kamma 8:3]. That leaves little room for doubt about the Torah's view of striking parents. If any more grounding is sought for prohibiting parental abuse, it would come from the Torah's positive commandments to honor and respect one's parents.

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