NUM15 Painful and embarrassing as it might be, we should confess our sins aloud (though not necessarily in the presence of others). (Maimonides, "Laws of Repentance" 1:1), basing himself on Numbers 5:6-7. The purpose of this confession is to shock us into righting the wrong we have done. If others are present, we are more likely to try to downplay or rationalize our wrongful behavior. It is usually easier to be honest with ourselves, and about ourselves, when we are alone.] By admitting a sin out loud (instead of just mentally acknowledging a wrong we have committed), we will be less likely to try and rationalize it. Also, we are more likely to be horrified by what we have done, and motivated to atone.

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NUM69 Thank those who work for you, particularly those whose efforts you may take for granted. For example, make known your appreciation to the cleaner who takes care of your house. Don't just make him aware of the things that displeased you. If an editor has improved your manuscript, make sure she knows how grateful you feel for that. Do the same for all those who perform services for you. Make sure they understand how much their help has meant to you. Thus, when Moses told his Midianite father-in-law Hohab (also known as Jethro) that he and the Israelites were journeying to the land promised them by God, and invited him to come along, Hobab refused, saying he wanted to return to his native land. "Please do not leave us," Moses said. "You know where we should camp in the desert, and you can be our eyes" [this verse]. Is there any doubt that Hobab left this encounter with the greatest leader of his age feeling understood and appreciated?

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NUM91 Focus on the good someone is doing or has done. The Torah teaches that when the Israelites received the spirit of God and started to prophecy, Joshua, Moses' assistant and successor, became alarmed, and asked Moses to restrain him. But Moses refused, saying, "Are you wrought up on my account? Would that all the Lord's people were prophets" (Numbers 11:26 – 29). Rabbi Nachman of Bratslav (1772-1810) taught that an envious person should force himself to focus on the good traits of those whom he envies. Don't look at the person whom you envy with an 'evil eye,'" Rabbi Nachman cautioned, and don't downplay or try to explain away any good that person has done. Rather, look upon that person with a "generous eye"; if you force yourself to appreciate her good actions, you may come to believe that her good fortune was deserved, which will help you to stop envying her.

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NUM101 Envy and jealousy cause people to speak unfairly of others. Thus, Aaron and Miriam were the second and third most powerful figures in ancient Israel, and heroes to the entire Israelite community. But when they grew envious of their younger brother Moses--apparently for being accorded more prominence than they were [also, as my friend Daniel Taub points out, Moses had just appointed 70 elders, and perhaps they felt their status has been undermined.]--they spoke unfairly of him among themselves, an act for which Miriam (who seems to have instigated the slander; see [this verse]) was punished.

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NUM106 A second instance of lashon hara in the Torah also occurs within a family setting: Miriam and Aaron, Moses' sister and brother, start criticizing Moses to one another, focusing on some incident between Moses and his wife. (Perhaps out of a desire not to encourage lashon hara, the Torah does not tell us what the incident was.) A verse later, the real reason for Miriam and Aaron's annoyance at their younger brother becomes clear: jealousy of Moses's greater standing in the community. "They said: 'Has the Lord spoken only through Moses? Has He not spoken through us as well?'" [this verse]. This last comment represents a common feature of lashon hara. When people envy someone, but can't find an obvious fault with the person, they attack anything they can in the person's life (such as, "Look what a bad husband he is," or "Look how her children turned out"). God is outraged by Aaron's and Miriam's comments about Moses: "How then did you not shrink from speaking against My servant Moses?" Immediately after receiving this rebuke, Miriam is stricken with leprosy. Aaron, who, a few verses earlier, had been bragging with Miriam about how they were both Moses' equals (since all three of them were God's prophets), is now forced to beg Moses to intervene with God on Miriam's behalf. Many readers might consider Miriam's offense as ordinary, even minor. But a later Torah passage commands Jews to remember this incident and Miriam's ensuing punishment: "Remember what the Lord your God did unto Miriam by the way as you came out of Egypt" (Deuteronomy 24:9). As this verse makes clear, lashon hara offends not only the person gossiped about, but also God. Wouldn't your parents be deeply pained if they learned that you were going about criticizing your brother or sister behind thir backs? Jewish tradition teaches that God regards human beings as His children and is therefore hurt when they denigrate one another.

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NUM110 Humility also leads us to become more tolerant and accepting. Rashi, Judaism's most important biblical and talmudic commentator, identifies tolerance, along with modesty, as the defining characteristic of humility (see his commentary on this verse). Thus, precisely because Hillel and his disciples were not certain that they were entirely in the right, they tolerated opposing views, realizing that, though these views might be wrong in their conclusions, they might learn something from them. Therefore, a humble person bears no ill will toward those who disagree with him. Such an individual is aware that people have the right to understand the world differently, and that their perceptions might have something to teach him.

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NUM112 Low self-esteem can also make us unreasonably fearful. The Bible tells how Moses sent twelve tribal representatives to spy out the land of Israel. They were probably people of good intentions, or Moses would not have sent them, but because the spies had a poor self-image, they panicked when they came upon the inhabitants of Canaan: "We look like grasshoppers to ourselves, and so we must have looked to them" (Numbers 13:33). Thus, when they came back, they advised the Israelites to give up hope of ever living in Canaan. Contrast their behavior with that of Moses, who, although he was the humblest man of his time [this verse], was unintimidated by Pharaoh.

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NUM116 Ridiculing or denigrating others for not conforming to our vision of how people should behave reinforces the gossip's sense of superiority. Thus, a gossip is rarely humble. And humility, as we know from the Torah's description of Moses [this verse], is an important quality to possess.

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NUM121 There are numerous biblical stories about Moses that describe the many fine traits he possessed. Thus, Moses was courageous (he defended a Jewish slave from the Egyptian overseer who was beating him; Exodus 2:11–12), and determined to fight injustice (in Midian, he defended women shepherds from male shepherds who were bullying them; Exodus 2:16–17). Moses was also compassionate (he prayed for the health of his sister Miriam when she was stricken with leprosy as God's punishment for having spoken to ill of him (Numbers 12:1–13). Yet nowhere does the Bible refer to Moses as "courageous," "a defender of justice," or "compassionate." Rather, we infer these characteristics from what we are told about him. There is only one virtue that the Bible explicitly describes to Moses: "Now, Moses was a very humble man, more so than any other man on earth" [this verse]. That this is the only virtue the Torah attributes to its greatest hero is itself the most significant indication of the importance of humility in the Jewish tradition.

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NUM125 See [[LEV574]] Leviticus 19:17 heart TOLVOL1 261

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