GEN385 Do not enter another person’s house suddenly, thereby catching the person unawares.  In modern terms, this means calling ahead.  When Adam ate of the fruit from the forbidden tree, God hid Himself, as it were, to the entrance to the Garden of Eden, and called out to Adam, “Where are you?” God, the all-knowing, obviously knew exactly were Adam was, but He did not wish to startle him Derech Eretz Rabbah 5:2, Niddah 16b, Pesachim 112a.  So, God called out, and gave Adam time to adjust to His presence.  We, too, should take care not to startle others.  The directive applies in one’s own home as well: “Rabbi Shimon bar Yochai said: The man who enters [even] his own house … unexpectedly, the Holy One hates” Leviticus Rabbah 21:8. Thus, parent should always knock before entering their children’s rooms; everyone, children as well as adults, is entitled to privacy. TELVOL 1:131-2

SHOW FULL EXCERPT

GEN392 The inclination to deny responsibility for wrongs we have committed is deeply rooted.  Always try to acknowledge your responsibility and, above all, refrain from blaming others.  After all, if you deserve praise for the good you do, don’t you deserve criticism for the wrong?  It is also vital not to point out faults in whoever is rebuking you, since this is irrelevant.  It is also a common temptation.  Rabbi Tarfon noted how common it was for people to respond defensively: “If one says to another, ‘Remove the chip of wood from between your eyes,’ the other responds, “Remove the log from between your eyes’” Arachin 16b  TELVOL 1:393

SHOW FULL EXCERPT

GEN394 When you are criticized, reflect on what the other person has said. Even if you believe the criticism to be overstated, ask yourself: Is there some truth in her words? If so, think of a way to avoid that behavior in the future.   Train yourself to feel gratitude, not animosity, toward your critics (unless you have reason to believe that someone is being malicious, or is always criticizing and never praising you; such a person should be avoided or ignored). Rabbi Simcha Zieel Ziv taught that we are all willing to pay a doctor for trying to heal us; should we be any less grateful to one who helps to improve our character?  Rabbi Noach Weinberg expresses this with an even more concrete illustration: “Everyone is grateful to someone who tells him that in his carelessness he dropped his wallet with a large sum of money in it. That should be our attitude to constructive criticism.”  Because the only way to become a better person is to overcome our faults, you should appreciate it when someone points out ways you can improve.  A person who is interested in becoming wealthy will utilze any tips and suggestions he hears if he thinks they will be financially beneficial.  In the same way, utilize any tips and suggestions that can be spiritually beneficial” (Rabbi Zelig Pliskin, Growth Through Torah, 378).  Refusing to listen to criticism cuts us off from the possibility of improvement.  As Maimonides taught: “One who hates admonition does not leave himself a path for repentance. Admonition leads to repentance” Laws of Repentance 4:2 Denial is a serious obstacle to repentance and self-improvement. TELVOL 1:393-4

SHOW FULL EXCERPT

GEN418 Jewish law opposes cremation, and regards it as an extreme lack of respect for the dead body.  Although no explicit biblical law prohibits cremation, the prophet Amos, writing over 2,700 years ago, speaks of the punishment of the nation of Moab for its many sins, specifying that it had “burned the bones of the king of Edom into lime” Amos 2:1.  The Torah takes burial and the gradual decomposition of the dead body for granted.  Genesis 23 details the great lengths to which Abraham went to purchase a large burial plot for his wife, Sarah, which later served as the burial plot for him and many of his descendants.  Obviously, Abraham would have saved time and money if he had arranged for Sarah’s body to be cremated, but he didn’t.  Also, God’s burial of Moses serves as an important precedent for Jews, since Torah law instructs its adherents to imitate God Deuteronomy 28:9.  Maimonides rules that, if prior to death, a person expresses an explicit wish not to be buried (but presumably to be cremated instead), this wish should be ignored Laws of Mourning 12:1.  Nonetheless, if a person is cremated, there is no explicit prohibition against burying the ashes in a Jewish cemetery, although many Jewish cemeteries do not allow cremated remains to be buried on their grounds.  TELVOL 1:100-101

SHOW FULL EXCERPT

GEN419 The intensity of Judaism’s opposition to cremation is fueled by several factors.  Most significantly, because the body, though now dead, once housed the soul, it is believed to retain certain sanctity.  A second reason is an emotional one, rooted in recent Jewish historical experience.  Burning bodies is what the Nazis did to the Jews after they gassed them, and cremation, fairly or unfairly, remains associated in the psyche of many Jews with the Nazis’ behavior.  What the Nazis did to Jewish bodies, many feel, Jews must not do to themselves or to each other.  Rabbi Eli Spitz articulates an additional reason not to cremate, which he terms “concern for the welfare of the mourner.’  In Spitz’s words: “Burial helps the mourner by providing a sense of closure.  When the mourner sees the coffin being lowered into the earth and when he hears the sound of pebbles and soil hitting the coffin, it hurts terribly, but from that moment on, he knows that death is real … Cremation always takes place out of sight of the family, for it is a violent act.  And so, for the mourner, there is no act that marks closure.  A grave is an address to which a family can come ever afterward in order to commune with its memories.”  Spitz, Why Bury? In Reimer, Jewish Insights on Death and Mourning, 125-126. TELVOL 1:101-102

SHOW FULL EXCERPT

GEN463 The first homicide in history, the killing of Abel by his brother Cain, was the result of envy.  Both brothers had brought gifts to God, but while Abel offered the Lord his most precious animals, Cain tried to get by with less. God preferred Abel’s gift to that of Cain who, spurred by envy, murdered his brother.  TELVOL 1:301

SHOW FULL EXCERPT

GEN479 Repentance is rooted in the optimistic idea that people can recognize sin, repent, and curtail or minimize their bad behavior. This is the message God conveys to Cain [this verse]. God’s assurance that we can overcome evil means that we can learn to resist it, even if we have not done so before.  … The Hebrew Bible acknowledges that all people will sin (for example, I Kings 8:46, “for there is no man who does not sin”), but that God does not want to punish them for this: “As I live, says God, it is not my desire that the wicked shall die, but that the wicked shall turn from his evil ways and live” Ezekiel 33:11, 18:32.  Furthermore, “The evil of the wicked man shall not trip him up on the day he turns from his wicked ways” Ezekiel 33:12.  Therefore, if you have done wrong, don’t despair. The awareness that you can change your behavior and find your way back to God should fill you with a sense of resolve and hope: “Better one hour of repentance and good deeds in this world than the entire life of the World-to-Come” Avot 4:17.   TELVOL I:152

SHOW FULL EXCERPT

GEN481 The first step in learning how to restrain our [anger] is to acknowledge that we are able to control our temper and not be controlled by it.  That human beings have control over their anger is underscored by a statement God makes near the beginning of Genesis.  Aware of Cain’s fury at his brother Abel, the Lord says to him, [this verse].  Disregarding God’s words, Cain makes no effort to control his anger, and kills Abel, thus becoming the first murderer in history.  However, God’s words, “you can be its master,” remain as an admonition to all of us who are tempted to act cruelly or violently when angry.  A psychiatrist told me of a patient whose wife claimed that she was incapable of controlling her temper, and who used to scream hysterically at him and even slap him.  Yet she never expressed such anger in public.  The patient learned that when she was screaming at him in their car, if he opened the windows, she would immediately desist for fear of being overheard.  Her calmer behavior in public proved, of course, that she could control herself if she wanted to.  TELVOL 1:263

SHOW FULL EXCERPT

GEN483 While acknowledging that the lure of sin is powerful, the Torah insists that free will endows people with the strength to resist it.  When God sees the enormous hostility Cain feels toward his brother Abel, whom he later murders, He says to him [this verse].  (Even after issuing this warning, God does not deprive Cain of his free will by preventing him from killing Abel).  Although we all give in to sin sometimes Ecclesiastes 7:20, we can ultimately be its master.  TELVOL 1:29-30

SHOW FULL EXCERPT

GEN500 Uncontrolled anger is, along with hatred, the most destructive of emotions.  The Torah cites several instances of the horrors that ensue when people do not control their rage.  For example: When God rejects Cain’s offering while accepting that of his brother Abel, Cain murders Abel, and then shows no remorse. [this verse] He taunts God.  TELVOL1 248

SHOW FULL EXCERPT