DEUT1203 The preceding discussion shows that the sexual act, in the Jewish view, is much more than physical pleasure and must remain special and unique. We know from the reaction of people out to the subject of sex (a joke, a book, or a movie) that it is part of man's nature to look at this topic in a special way. It is not just another bodily function or even just another appetite like food, but it is different. Since the sexual act is so exceptional and integral to the relationship between a man and a woman (as discussed earlier), it is antithetical to Judaism to have a one-time sexual encounter, a "one-night stand," because there must be a relationship between two people both before and after the sexual act. There must also be a responsibility for the sexual partner after the sexual act, for the relationship must continue. For example, if a woman is raped, in addition to all the punishment involved, the man is obligated to marry her [this verse] (of course, only if she agrees). The reason for this is that after the sexual act, even in a forced sexual act such as rape, a person must take responsibility for the partner and the relationship must continue. Thus, Judaism does not permit sexual relations between partners prior to marriage. Even if two adults say that they are in love with each other and are living together to see if they should get married, they still may not engage in sex if they wish to observe Jewish law. These individuals may say that they will continue the relationship after sex and that they will take responsibility for each others' feelings. However, the sexual act itself is such a powerful force in defining a relationship between a man and woman that it has been known to happen that despite all the promises, if the act of sexual intercourse is not a satisfying one, the relationship between the two individuals may abruptly end. A sexual failure can destroy a relationship despite all the declarations of love beforehand and all the promises to stick together. Since this type of abrupt ending following sex in a Jewish relationship is not permitted, that is, no sex without responsibility afterward, Jewish law has forbidden sexual intercourse prior to marriage. The only way to ensure that there will be some degree of responsibility after sex is through the act of marriage.

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DEUT1204 A man who is a saris shall not marry a Jewish woman. Our nation is holy. To prevent Jewish men from losing the ability to procreate, the Torah commands that if a man undergoes castration, he is forbidden to marry a Jewish woman.

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DEUT1205 A mamzer shall not marry a Jewish woman. Any child born of an impure, sinful union will be evil and wayward, for a father's nature is passed down to his children. Owing to our nation's holiness, our Father in Heaven, Who seeks our good, keeps such people at a distance from us, just as He distances us from all other negative and harmful elements.

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DEUT1206 See [[LEV834]] Leviticus 20:10 adultery ROSNER-BLEICH 128-9

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DEUT1207 The sage Rabbi Yochanan taught that we should be careful not to publicize information that will cause innocent people suffering and humiliation. This applies even when we can cite Jewish law as a justification for making the matter known. For example, the Torah rules that a child born of an adulterous or incestuous union is classified as a mamzer (bastard); both the child and its descendants are forbidden to marry other Jews [this verse] unless, as the Rabbis explain, they too are bastards.[In Jewish law, the term bastard does not apply, as it does in Western societies, to a child born out of wedlock; under Jewish law such a child suffers no legal disadvantages.] However, Rabbi Yochanan advocated that those who are aware of such children's status remain silent. He told his colleagues, "It is in my power [to reveal the families of impure birth in Jerusalem] but what shall I do, seeing that the greatest men of our time are mixed up therein?" (Kiddushin 71a). Apparently, Rabbi Yohanan reasoned, "Why should I destroy these people's marital prospects, and cause suffering to some very fine, innocent people?" This teaching should serve as a reminder to all of us who casually pass on gossip and unflattering information about others. Either out of malice or the desire to be perceived as knowledgeable, many people share privileged information about others that can cause them great embarrassment and damage their reputations.

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DEUT1208 While the biblical text never defines the word mamzer, Jewish law understands it as referring to a child of an adulterous or incestuous union (see the ruling of Rabbi Joshua in Mishnah Yevamot 4:13, and Shulchan Arukh, Even Ha-Ezer 4:13). Such a child (mamzer is generally translated as "bastard") [I use the word "bastard" hesitantly, since in common American usage, it often refers to a child born to an unmarried woman (with the relaxation of sexual standards in recent decades, the term is now used infrequently, except as a curse). Under Jewish law, no legal stigma or disabilities attach to a child born to an unmarried woman.] along with his or her descendants are forbidden all time to marry other Israelites except for those who are either mamzerim or converts [such a marriage would be very disadvantageous for a convert since, as noted, any children resulting from this union would continue to bear the stigma of mamzerut (Kiddishin 67a)]. While this law does not of course literally violate the provision in Deuteronomy that prohibits executing children for the crimes of their parents, a prohibition that cuts someone off from almost all possibilities of marriage is very severe. It has sometimes been explained that the rationale for this law is that people who are about to sin sexually are often overtaken with lust. Understanding how difficult it might be for people in such a circumstance to observe the Seventh Commandment's prohibition of adultery, the Torah decreed the law of mamzerut, in effect warning the couple: "If you want one another so badly, that's your sin, but know that any child you conceive will be cursed to the day of its death." This, the Torah hoped, would give would-be adulterers the strength to resist temptation, in the same way, for example, that any couple would resist having relations if they knew that the child that would result from their love-making would be born deformed (see Maimonides, The Guide for The Perplexed 3:49). Because the Rabbis felt that the child of an adulterous union was an innocent victim of the parents' sin, they became very creative in devising legal fictions to free a child from the taint of mamzerut, even when it seemed very apparent that the child had resulted from an act of adultery [e.g., Yevamot 80b, Shulchan Arukh, Even Ha-Ezer 4:14].

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DEUT1210 The Torah [this verse] commands that Amonite and Moabite men can never convert into Judaism, and even if they choose to convert, they may never enter and be considered a part of the Jewish community. This is clearly spelled out in the Mishnah (Mishnah Yevamot 3:8) and codified in Jewish law (Shulchan Aruch, Even Ha'ezer 4:2). Is this not prejudice and discriminatory? There is a Jewish law codified by Maimonides (Maimonides, Hilchot Avodah Zarah 10:3) that a Jew may neither rent nor sell a home in the neighborhood to an idol worshiper. Not only would this law violate existing laws guaranteeing equality in most Western countries, but this seems to demonstrate the worst kind of prejudice, running counter to ideas in Judaism stated earlier. Why is this law, apparently sanctioning discrimination, permitted? In order to fully understand, it is important to re-examine our definition of prejudice. [Continued at [[DEUT643]] Deuteronomy 13:16 AMEMEI 222-3 sword]

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DEUT1209 See [[EXOD220]] Exodus 15:9 pursue SINAI3 196-7

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DEUT1211 No man of the nations of Amon or Moav may enter Hashem's congregation. Jewish women are not allowed to marry men of the nations of Amon or Moav, even if the men are converts to Judaism. On the other hand, Jewish men are allowed to marry women of these nations, provided that the women have converted. The reason for the distinction is that when our forefathers approached the Holy Land after the forty-year sojourn in the desert, no one from the nations of Amon or Moav came out to offer them bread or water. Guilt for this offense rests only with the men, for it is the way of women to remain at home. Key concept: The Torah explains, “Because they did not come forward to offer you bread or water.” Here, the Holy Torah informs us of the great value of the trait of kindness, and the great shamefulness of the trait of stinginess. By shunning the men of Amon and Moav, we stir ourselves to despise stinginess and heartlessness. We publicize to the world the great sin that was committed when the men of these nations ignored millions of weary travelers and failed to offer them either bread or water. What is more, the men of these nations hired Bilaam to curse our nation. As to why Hashem did not command as similarly regarding Egyptians, even though Egypt tortuously enslaved us for hundreds of years, the reason is that one ugly, unabashed sin against millions of people is much more telling than continuous wrongs spanning hundreds of years. The one cold, cruel act disclosed that the nature of these people is incurably evil. This sort of human being cannot be allowed to mix with the Jewish nation, for ours is a holy nation.

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DEUT1212 It was taught: R. Shimon says: The females of Amon and Moav are permitted to "come into the congregation." Why so? For it is written: "Because they did not greet you, etc." Whose custom is it to greet? A man, and not a woman, [the latter, normally, being in the home[ (Yevamoth 73a)

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