LEV637 Some refrain from lending their possessions because of some slight antipathy they harbor against the borrower. This is the worst of all the vices mentioned above. Here, one transgresses the prohibition [this verse]: "You shall not take vengeance or bear any grudge against the children of your people." We have already previously dealt at length with this topic (Part One, Chap. 4, q.v.). One should rather pay regard to himself, recalling how many times he provoked the Holy One, blessed be He, both in word and by deed. Nevertheless the Holy One, blessed be He, does not take revenge or bear any grudge against him in any of his dealings. One should, therefore, act in the same way towards his neighbor. We may assert that this is the intent of [this] verse: "You shall not take vengeance… but you shall love your neighbor as yourself; I am God." You shall extend towards your neighbor the virtues I extend towards you and towards the world as a whole, since I do not bear any hatred, as stated (Jeremiah 3:12): "For I am merciful, says God, I will not bear a grudge forever."

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LEV631 It is forbidden to be obdurate and not allow oneself to be appeased. On the contrary, one should be easily pacified and difficult to anger. Moreover, when asked by an offender for forgiveness, one should forgive with a sincere mind and a willing spirit. Even if one had been much vexed and grievously wronged, he is not to avenge nor bear a grudge (this verse). (From Maimonides, Mishneh Torah, "Laws of Return" 1:10).

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LEV624 (Obstacles to Forgiving). You, as the victim, have to give up your claims to justice, that you have been wronged and that the offender owes you something. Some of the reticence to do this stems from the human penchant to want to get even and carry a grudge--characteristics that the Torah specifically requires us to suppress in commanding us (this verse). Even if you can overcome your desire to get back at the offender in the mode of "an eye for an eye," you still may feel reluctant to forgive you because you rightfully feel that he or she owes you something.

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LEV627 All of the commandments are either positive or negative. There is no need to explain this in regard to commandments that involve the limbs, for the are known by all. I will mention, however, a few of the positive and negative commandments which occur to me from among the duties of the heart; these will then serve as examples of all the rest. Examples of positive commandments from among the duties of the heart are: to believe that the world has a Creator, who brought it into existence from nonexistence, and that there is none like Him; to acknowledge His unity; to serve Him in one's heart; to contemplate the wonders of His creations and gain evidence of His existence; to put one's trust in Him; to be humble before Him; to be in awe of Him and afraid and ashamed because both our public and private selves are known to Him; to long to do His Will, and let all that one does be for His sake; to love Him and those devoted to Him, so as to become close to Him, and hate those who are His enemies; and any other similar duty which is not carried out externally, through the limbs. Examples of negative commandments from among the duties of the heart are the opposites of the above; also: not to be envious of, revengeful, or grudging with our people, as it is written: “Do not take revenge or bear a grudge against the children of your people” (Leviticus 19:18). Not to dwell on sin, desire it, or decide to do it; and similar matters of conscience which only the Creator knows of, as it is written: “I, God, search the heart and test the mind” (Yirmeyahu 17:10; “The soul of man is the lamp of God, searching all his inmost parts” (Mishlei 20:27).

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LEV634 See [[DEUT205]] Deuteronomy 6:5 heart DUTIES 13-15

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LEV626 [This verse]. Our Sages, z"l, said (Yoma 23a) that the prohibition for bearing a grudge applies only to [an offense] associated with money [and possessions] (I.e., he bears a grudge that the other person refused to lend him a spade, but not because he treated him haughtily, scornfully, or sought his harm); but regarding [an offense through another's] haughtiness, scornfulness, and seeking [his] evil, it is permissible to bear such things within one's heart. Concerning this, our Sages, z"l, said (ibid.), "Any Torah scholar who [when offended] does not take revenge and bear a grudge like a serpent is not a Torah scholar." Nonetheless, if they ask forgiveness he should overlook the injustices done to him.

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LEV629 Here is another story. Rob is a Mussar student who found himself caught in one of the most primitive of situations, one that is so ancient the Torah actually warns us against it directly. "Do not bear a grudge," we are told [this verse]. But how could he not? Eighteen years ago, he and his wife were blessed with the birth of their first child, a son. They planned the circumcision ceremony for the eighth day, as Jewish law dictates, and they happily invited all their friends and family to the celebration. As it happens, Rob's father did not get along with Rob's wife's parents and so, when he called his father to invite him to the ceremony, Rob added, "And, Dad, please make an effort to be civil to Sarah's parents." Well, Rob's father took such offense at this comment that he did not attend the circumcision of his own grandson. Not only that, he stopped speaking to his son, who was only too happy to reciprocate the favor. As a result, father and son did not speak for eighteen years. In that time, Rob's father never met his own grandson. One of the soul-traits Rob worked on in his Mussar practice was forgiveness, which, one might have expected, would bring up the deep grudge he was bearing and provide an opening for healing. But that actually wasn't what happened. When he thought of forgiving, the grievance seemed, on a deep inner level, too unjust. Wasn't his father responsible, after all? While forgiveness didn't actually create illumination for Rob, when the soul-trait of generosity came into focus, a light went on. Confronted by the Mussar understanding of generosity, which entails stretching yourself to give beyond the boundaries of the comfortable or usual, a new course opened up before him. Rob wrote a letter to his father as an act of conscious generosity. And his father wrote back. Rob and his wife had been married for twenty-five years by this time and decided to celebrate with a party. Rob invited his father, who lived in a distant state. His father came and met his grandson for the first time. Mussar had opened the way to healing, inwardly and in a relationship. It had provided Rob with the tools he needed to free himself from the dictates of his primitive, grudge-bearing nature and to entrust the governance of his life to his higher self, the soul, which seeks both sh'lemut (wholeness) and shalom (peace). This was the fruit of his Mussar practice. "Seek for it like silver and search for it like hidden treasure." - Proverbs/Mishlei 2:4

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LEV635 See [[EXOD701]] Exodus 22:24 lend SEFER 126-7

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LEV636 See [[LEV575]] Leviticus 19:17 heart TELVOL1 322

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LEV638 What constitutes revenge? The Talmud offers the following example: A asks B to lend him a sickle, and B refuses. The following day, B asks A to lend him an ax, and A says, "I will not lend it to you, just as you refused to lend me your sickle.' This is revenge [and is forbidden by the Torah]" (Yoma 23a). ... What constitutes bearing a grudge? A asks B for an ax and B refuses. The following day B says to A, "Lend me your garment," and A answers, "Here is it. I am not like you, who would not lend me what I asked for." This, the Talmud concludes, is bearing a grudge (Yoma 23b). While the Bible's and Talmud's standard (not even reminding someone who mistreated you of his mean-spirited behavior) seems beyond the capacity of most human beings, the fact that the Torah requires us not to bear a grudge means that Jewish law deems it within our capacity. ... "Another possible approach would be for A to say, 'Of course you can borrow my ax. I am curious, however, why you wouldn't lend me your sickle yesterday.' Such an approach forces B to confront his own behavior, and might well increase the likelihood of B realizing he was wrong" (Dr. Isaac Herschkopf; private communication with the author).

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