LEV597 When one acts improperly, there is a natural human tendency to withdrawal or even hostility. The Torah, with its emphasis on the perfectibility of mankind, tells us to resist this tendency. Instead of becoming hostile toward others we should reach out to them, gently explaining the basis for our concern. ... An employer who needs to dismiss an underachiever may find it easier to avoid criticizing the worker, saying, for example, that he is trimming the workforce. But here, too, the principle of gentle reproof applies. It would be more helpful for the employee if the employer gently indicates what his deficiencies were, so that he can learn from his experience and seek work better suited to his talents. While doing this may be difficult, omit it only if you are afraid that candor will greatly offend the employee or may harm you by provoking hostility or even litigation.

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LEV578 "You shall rebuke your neighbor" If someone begins to tell you loshon hora, and instead of rebuking him you assist him by listening to his narrative, you violate this commandment. It is important to remember that rebuke should be administered as soon as you realize that the narrative contains loshon hora. Do not wait until the other person finishes speaking. Every single word of loshon hora is a separate transgression, and it is your obligation to stop the other person from sinning.

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LEV579 "You shall rebuke your neighbor) and you shall not bear sin because of him" This versus prohibits us from embarrassing others even when privately delivering rebuke (Erchin 16b). Rebuke must be delivered in a tactful manner that will not cause shame. If you speak loshon hora about a person in his presence and caused him shame, you violate this prohibition. If you shame someone in public, the crime is so severe that it is punishable by the loss of olam haboh (Bava Metzia 59a).

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LEV596 We are obligated to correct others when they transgress. We are commanded to correct someone who behaves improperly, whether in matters pertaining to man's relationship with God or man's relationship with his fellow man. (Chinuch 239). A person should correct his own faults before he corrects others (Bava Basra 60b). This does not free us from rebuking others; rather, it obligates us to correct ourselves first. It must be kept in mind that the goal of rebuke is to correct the wrongdoer. Therefore, a person must weigh each situation very carefully to see what will be the most effective method in that particular instance. It is especially important to exercise caution and tact when the recipient of the rebuke is not an observant Jew and you are trying to influence him to become observant. Tactless reproof can ruin the chances of influencing such a person. Very often a person should not reprove someone immediately, but should wait for an opportune moment. This takes much skill and practice, as well as patience. It is a good idea for a person to consult more experienced people to find out which methods are most effective. As a rule, if someone admonishes in a harsh, stern manner and with comments such as "Why did you do this?" Or "What's the matter with you?" it will not prove effective (see Vilna Gaon's commentary to Mishle 10:20). The most important rule to remember about rebuke is that it must be administered with love and as painlessly as possible. Only when the recipient of rebuke feels that the rebuker loves him, will he readily accept the admonition. [Transcriber's note: Author provides extended discussion of laws of rebuke with examples.]

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LEV595 We are forbidden to embarrass people. This verse prohibits us from embarrassing others, even when delivering a rebuke (Erchin 16b). If you shame someone in public, the offense is so severe that it is punishable by the loss of olam haboh (Bava Metzia 59a). In public is defined as the presence of three or more people (Chofetz Chayim, first footnote in ch. 2). [Transcriber's note: Author provides discussion of basic laws of prohibition against embarrassing others].

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LEV582 At times, one who listens to lashon hara or rechilus transgresses the positive commandment of הֹוכֵ֤חַ תֹּוכִ֙יחַ֙, “You shall surely rebuke” (Vayikra 19:17). For example, if one sees that someone is starting to speak disparagingly about another person, and he knows that his words will have an influence on the speaker--or even if he thinks that there is a chance that his rebuke may be effective—then halachah requires him to rebuke the speaker so that he will not carry on with his sin. Accordingly, if he allows the speaker to finish his derogatory account about the other person, he certainly violates his positive commandment. (Even if one resolves while listening, to rebuke the speaker after he finishes his story, he is still violating halacha. Would a person watch his fellow Jew eat pork, Heaven forbid, and allow him to finish eating, while resolving to rebuke him afterward? According to halachah, one is certainly obligated to reprove the person immediately, for perhaps he will listen to him and stop eating. By doing so he can spare the person from several transgressions, for each and every k’zayis he eats is considered a separate transgression. The same is true with regard to speaking lashon hara, because each derogatory statement that a person makes is considered a separate transgression. An exception can be made, however, in the following cases. If one realizes that if he allows the speaker to finish his story, he will then be able to use the story itself to show the other listeners that the speaker was merely propagating false rumors; or if halachah a requires one to allow the speaker to finish because he is relating information that may be relevant to the listener; then the listener may allow the speaker to finish … but if one realizes that the speaker is just mocking or ridiculing the other person, then it is definitely a great mitzvah for the listener to swiftly rebuke the speaker and stop him from continuing his disparaging remarks.)

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LEV586 If one sees that a person has habituated himself to these bad middos, then rather than disparage him before others, he should rebuke him directly and explain to him the severity of the prohibitions involved. In doing so, he would fulfill the positive commandment of as it says הֹוכֵ֤חַ תֹּוכִ֙יחַ֙ אֶת־עֲמִיתֶ֔ךָ וְלֹא־תִשָּׂ֥א עָלָ֖יו חֵֽטְא׃, “You shall surely rebuke your fellow, but do not bear a sin because of him [by shaming him]” (Vayikra 19:17) and might cause the person to admit that his behavior is wrong. Until then, however, the person presumably believes that his contact is correct, as that pasuk says כָּֽל־דֶּרֶךְ־אִ֭ישׁ יָשָׁ֣ר בְּעֵינָ֑יו, “Every person's conduct is straight in his eyes” (Mishlei 21:2). Therefore, it is forbidden to classify him as a rasha because of his behavior and go around disparaging him. Nevertheless, if one sees that a particular person displays a bad middah such as arrogance, anger, or the like; or if the person neglects Torah study, or engages in similarly inappropriate behavior; then it is proper to inform one's child or students of this and caution them not to associate with that person, so that they should not learn from his ways. This is permitted because the Torah’s prohibition of speaking lashon hora even when the information is true applies only if one's intent is to disparage the other person and derive pleasure from disgracing him. But if one's intent in speaking is to prevent another person from emulating the person's behavior, then it is obviously permitted to share the information, and doing so is also considered a mitzvah. However, it would seem that in such a case or in any similar scenario it is a mitzvah for the speaker to explain the reason that he is speaking negatively about the other person, so that his words do not cause the listener to mistakenly extend this heter and permit lashon hara that is unwarranted. By explaining the reason for his negative words, the speaker would also prevent the listener from being puzzled by the speaker's seemingly contradictory behavior. At times, the speaker tells him that it is forbidden to speak lashon hara even if the information is true--as we explain in section 9 that it is a great mitzvah to prevent one’s young children from violating this transgression--yet now he himself is speaking with lashon hara!

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LEV591 See [[LEV456]] Leviticus 19:15 judge SEFER 106-7

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LEV584 He used to say: If I am not for myself, who will be for me? And if I am only for myself, what am I? And if not now, when? Pirkei Avot, Perek I, mishnah 14. … Hillel may be speaking of the need to correct oneself and be self-critical. There are some things that even your best friend will not tell you. In fact, because he is a friend he may not correct you for fear of losing your friendship. Hence, "If I am not for myself, if I do not take my self in hand and improve my ways, who will be for me?" On the other hand, "if I am only for myself," if I too fall prey to the conspiracy of silence and do not correct others, then I am not fulfilling my obligation. Our Torah tells us, "You shall surely rebuke your fellow" [this verse]. If he is truly a friend, he will appreciate it as something intended to benefit him.

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LEV583 Greater is Torah than the cohen's realm and than royalty: for royalty is acquired with thirty attainments, and the cohen's realm with twenty-four, while the Torah is acquired by forty-eight things. And they are: [33] loves reproofs. Pirkei Avot, Perek VI, mishnah 6. Why, we might ask, is a love of reproof a station, a stage of development, on the road to the mastery of the Torah? In his study, the devoted scholar realizes time and again that the Torah is no romantic literature for entertainment and delight. It upgrades and admonishes, chastises and demands. But accepting its unbending law, rising to its demands, he is elevated and grows in character. As he accedes to the Torah's stern words with benefit, so does the scholar come to accept with good grace the rebuke of teachers and fellow-students, finding there his guidelines to self-improvement. In turn he learns to reprove others, knowing it is the only way to really help them. ... So the scholar learns to make rebuke and chastisement a significant part of his life, a necessary extension of Torah study. Scripture bids him, "Reprove shall you reprove your fellow." The double verb indicates, say the Sages, that you should be ready to castigate someone even four or five times--even one hundred--until he is ready to strike or curse or calumnify you [this verse, T.B. Baba Metzi'a 31a; Arakin 16b; Midrash Sifra, K'doshim iv.] The scholar knows he may not be popular as a result; but this is Heaven's will, for man's improvement: "Whoever chastises his fellow for the sake of Heaven, merits to enter the domain of the Holy, Blessed One; moreover, a thread of grace is drawn through his life." (T.B. Tamid 28a) So the Sages give assurance that ultimately the scholar will not be shunned or disliked: people will regard him with favor and affection, realizing that his criticism is no scalpel or hammer of irrational enmity but a kindly instrument used with discretion for their benefit. ... To keep silent is certainly safe and pleasant. The Sages astutely note, "If his townspeople are kindly disposed toward a rabbinic scholar, it is not because is of superior quality, but because he does not rebuke them about matters concerning Heaven" (T.B. Kethuboth 105b). This is clearly an occupational disease of the American rabbinate. The average American Jew lacks the education to accept and value censure from the pulpit. Criticism of American foreign policy--yes; a polished review of a current play or novel--yes. But rebuke of our business ethics, reproof about morality in our family life, chastisement about Jewish observance--heavens, no!

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