EXOD829 “Keep far from a false charge...” (Exodus 23:7). This is understood to be a broad and very stringent prohibition against lying. However, there are a number of specific instances in which the Torah commands lying, including cases in which peace can be preserved or embarrassment can be prevented, (Babylonian Talmud, Yevamot 65b; Bava Metzi’a 23b; Berakhot 27b). .... There are quite simply, no hard and fast rules. The need to lie, or the demand to tell the truth, is contextual. I believe that the same thing is true for dating: there’s no formula for knowing what is right and what is wrong. This by no means indicates that there isn't such a thing as right or wrong, but that the definitions of fidelity and betrayal, obligation and permission depend on the specific relationship. Here's why: whether people perceive the boundaries of their relationship as being preserved or broken depends on what they think the boundaries of the given relationship are. That thinking comes from a whole bevy of sources: individual psyches, cultural assumptions, family patterns, past experiences, etc. Most people aren't explicitly aware that what they think are assumptions. They are more likely to understand their requirements as just the way relationships are. When you multiply those assumptions by two people, a lot of misunderstanding can result. The same is true for successful marriages, to some degree. However marriage is, in this case, distinguished from dating because, Jewishly speaking, marriage has fixed rules: for example, don't cheat on your spouse. But in dating, partners first need to agree upon or assume exclusivity before infidelity can exist. First dates don't constitute contracts. Moreover, we should know who we are in relationships, to the best of our ability. This isn't the same thing as knowing where we're going, an expectation that can kill a connection before it has come to fruition. Rather, we have to find out what our expectations are of each other, and revisit them quite often as those expectations grow and develop. We have to talk about what we need. Patience and honesty aren't quick remedies to what ails relationships, but they have the advantage of being true and heartfelt virtues. We should have patience for our partners. We should be as honest with them as we're able to be without hurting them. I have faith that where we can accomplish these virtues, and when the connection is ready, love will grow. I adjure you, O maidens of Jerusalem, By gazelles or by hinds of the field: Do not wake or rouse Love until it please! (Songs 3:5) (by Scott Perlow)