DEUT1498 [Continued from [[EXOD430]] Exodus 20:12 AMEMEI 202 honor]. The passage continues to explain that the child gives a father succulent food, but when the father asks where the food is from, the son answers "Quiet, old man. A dog eats quietly, so you eat quietly." This son inherits hell. However, the second case involved the son who worked at the grindstone. When the king summoned grindstone workers to the Palace to endure back-breaking work, the son told the father to take the son's place at the grindstone and to work, so as not to suffer or be treated in an undignified manner before the king. This son inherits paradise. Therefore, it is clear that if the context diminishes the dignity of the parent, any act is worthless and violates the spirit and intent of Jewish law. Similarly, even if an act seems demeaning objectively, if it preserves a parent's dignity, it is to be praised. This is also the reason one may not curse a parent even after his or her death (Maimonides, Hilchot Mamrim 5:1). Although the parent will not hear it and will not suffer because of the curse, the parent's dignity is still being compromised, and it is, therefore, forbidden. [This] Torah verse cursing a person who dishonors a parent also refers to the child who compromised a parent's dignity. Now that the importance of maintaining the dignity of one's parents has been established, it can readily be understood that many of the arguments between parents and children today are about tone of voice and dignity, rather than about substance. A child must maintain the parent's dignity and respect at all times, even when disagreeing. That is the intention of kavod. This is proven in the law regarding a parent who does not observe the commandment. A child should point out to a parent if he or she is committing a sin. However, Maimonides codifies how a person should address a parent who violates the Torah (Maimonides, Hilchot Mamrim 6:11). One may not say "Dad, you are wrong and doing a sin," but rather, "Let's look up the law together and see what it says." The Shulchan Aruch (Yoreh De'ah 241:6) codifies this as well, quoting Maimonides almost word for word, but then it adds an explanation "in order not to embarrass the parent." Therefore, even when disagreeing with a parent, which a child often has a right to do, he or she must do so in a dignified manner, to preserve the parent's dignity. Honoring one's parents, that is, keeping their dignity, continues after their death, not only by not cursing them, but also by mentioning them prominently in conversations. During the first year of mourning, one should say each time a parent's words are recalled, "that is what my father, my teacher said" and "let me be an atonement for him (or her)." After the first year, a child adds the words "May his (or her) memory be a blessing" each time the parent is mentioned (Shulchan Aruch, Yoreh De'ah 240:9).