DEUT1180 Changed Realities and the Relevance of Tradition. ... our reality regarding these matters [i.e., people’s backgrounds, and the assumptions they and their cultural environments make about romantic relationships-AJL] is so drastically different from that of the Sages that we need to apply the ancient teachings with great discernment. In the true process of halakhah, one doesn't just quote sources; one also applies them to current realities. This can be challenging, and when it comes to sexuality even more so, because the changes in this area, even in our own lifetimes, have been so dramatic. One major example is that, in antiquity, a father arranged for his children's marriage: “I gave this man my daughter to wife” (Deuteronomy 22:16). This was ideally done “close to their time,” that is, shortly after the children entered puberty. By arranging for the children's marriage at that age, the father provided a framework for ethical, sacred expression of the natural sexual urges that arise at that time: “The sages commanded that one marry off his sons and daughters close to their time, lest they come to sexual immorality or impure thoughts” (Maimonides [Rambam], Mishneh Torah, Laws of Forbidden Intercourse 21:25, based on the Babylonian Talmud, Yevamot 62b, Sanhedrin 76b). A more commonly known teaching is: “At 18, to the wedding canopy” (Mishnah, Avot 5:21). There were times that, due to less abundant nutrition, women arrived at puberty later, sometimes even as late as 17. This may explain the suggested age for marriage. Regardless, marrying children off at 18, as is still common in the Hasidic world, usually prevents many, though not all, of the questions this essay addresses from ever arising. Today, however, young people wishing to marry at 18 or 20 would be hard pressed to support a family. Gone are many of the manufacturing jobs and family businesses that once allowed high school graduates to be financially self-sufficient. Increasingly, a college degree and even a graduate degree are prerequisites for a comfortable standard of living. Often, even those are not enough, and one needs a certain number of years at a given position to start earning a salary that could support a family with children. The Tradition itself reminds us of the folly of entering into marriage before finances are in place: “The way of the wise is to first find work that supports him, then buy a house, then get married... But the fools first get married, then look for housing, and lastly look for work” (Maimonides [Rambam], Mishneh Torah, Laws of Ethics 5:11). We thus have an almost unprecedented number of young adults financially unable to marry for a decade or more after puberty, a time of peak sexual desire for men, and often for women. How tragic that our wealthy society has brought about this situation, in which economics leave young adults with no choice but to delay marriage. Another changed reality has to do with the context in which physical intimacy takes place. There has been a huge shift in what society considers moral. This is partially a result of the diminished impact of religious teachings, and partially a result of the advances in accessibility of contraception. With the easy availability of birth control, which set the sexual revolution in motion, young adults are largely able to avoid the negative consequences that until recently accompanied, and often deterred, sex outside of marriage (i.e., social stigma and unwanted pregnancies). (By Uzi Weingarten)