NUM429 Many people believe that if we want people to think well of us we must practice the art of flattery, for the truth is that most people don't feel properly appreciated. The skillful flatterer--and some people are so needy that we can just about eliminate the finesse of subtlety--helps to convince them that's not so. However, buttering up people usually means moving beyond honesty. How far should we go to win the favor of others? Should we lie? Suddenly we face two conflicting rabbinic values: ingratiating oneself with others and telling the truth. What should the caring Jew do? In matters of musar, our sages don't offer clear-cut guidelines that help us choose correctly in specific cases. Individual temperament and the human situation vary too greatly for that. Instead, our ethical teachers have left us a maze of differing opinions; we acquire wisdom in learning how to find our way through them. In the case of flattery, however, a specific path is mandated. We read in [this verse]: "Don't profane or (spiritually) pollute, tahanifu, the land in which you live." Since the word for flattery, hanufah, comes from the same root, h-n-f, as tahanifu, the rabbis rule that this biblical commandment prohibits verbal insincerity as well as profane actions. The midrash to the Book of Psalms demonstrates further the rabbis' revulsion at verbal deception. "R. Hiyya taught: Hypocrites may be exposed to publicly prevent a profanation of God's name.… But why does God allow people to sin publicly? In order that, when a misfortune occurs to the flatterer due to his wickedness, people should not blame God (Mid. Pss. 52.3). "Four kinds of people do not see the face of the Shekhinah: the mockers, the hypocrites, the slanderers, and the liars" (Mid. Pss. 101.3). Thus, aggadah, non-legal rabbinic lore, backs up halakhah, talmudic law, in its condemnation of flattery.