GEN1164 … Jewish law tells us that normally we should help a person prepare for death. The person whose spirit is weak is mentioned as the exception to the rule. The rabbis of the Talmud Baba Metzia 87a made a remarkable interpretation of the Torah that emphasizes the importance of awareness of advancing age and proper preparation for death: Before Abraham, there was no aging.   If someone wanted to speak to Abraham, he would [accidentally] approach Isaac; with Isaac, he would [accidentally] approach Abraham. Abraham came and asked mercy, and aging came, as it is written, “And Abraham was old, developed in years.” [this verse] Before Jacob there was no infirmity. Jacob asked mercy, and infirmity came, as it is said, “And he said to Joseph, behold, your father is infirm.”   Jacob’s reason for asking for illness was so that he would have the opportunity to prepare for his passing, as he did when he called his sons before him to bless them. Genesis 48-49 In contrast to the youth-worship that characterizes modern popular culture, our sages are telling us that aging is a blessing, because it distinguishes the old and displays their seniority and experience. Our final infirmity is also a blessing, for it warns us of impending death and enables us to prepare properly, just as Jacob used his last days to instruct and bless his twelve sons.   The lesson of Jewish tradition is that we should review normal manifestations of age and illness not as curses but as invaluable milestones, which inculcate consciousness of our stage of progress in the journey of life. It could be a very serious mistake to deprive others of this special blessing of awareness by misleading them about their true medical condition. Perhaps there are certain things they want to do before death; imagine the frustration and disappointment when they discover that they were prevented forever from realizing their dreams by well-meaning but misguided relatives and caretakers. I heard of one man who, in his last moments, cursed his family for not informing him of his condition, because he was unable to see certain family members and have other experiences he dreamed of completing in his lifetime. Another insight that should deter us from misleading a patient is that by the time people reach advanced age, they have usually acquired a generous measure of human wisdom. The Talmud Kiddushin 32b teaches this insight through an interesting play on words: the word zaken (“elder”) can also be read as ze kanah (“his person has acquired”): And what is it that we acquire with age? Wisdom. Zaken [elder] refers only to someone wise, as it is written, “Gather me seventy men of the elders of Israel,” Numbers 11:16   Rabbi Yosi ha-Galili says, Zaken refers to one who has acquired wisdom.  There is a tendency to treat old, infirm people as if they were children.   This is quite unjustified. We should remember that even if old people are weak in their bodies, they have decades of experience and wisdom, which their children lack. Their understanding and judgment should be respected. Furthermore, there is a good chance that the same wisdom will enable them to see through any attempted to cover up. This can have a terrible effect on family relations exactly at the time when trust and openness are most necessary. For example, I heard of the case where a man begged his doctor, “Please do not let my family know that I know about my condition. It will break their hearts.” Here the patient’s condition, the most important concern of the entire family, was known to all. Yet they were prevented from sharing their burdens because of the elaborate charade of supposed ignorance. Another story concerns an elderly couple who had enjoyed a life of complete trust and openness. The husband complied with the doctor’s suggestion to hide the wife’s true condition. She sensed that he was keeping something from her, and a lifetime of total trust was put into question, causing profound anguish to the faithful wife. A further consideration is that lack of information may prevent patients from making informed choices about their treatment. Today, leading medical authorities acknowledge and emphasize the importance of empowering the patient to make such decisions. In the end, factual considerations have to determine the outcome. While we can find a number of anecdotes opposing disclosure, there are just as many, if not more, supporting it. Even if we decide that disclosure is the best policy, it is forbidden to be blunt and insensitive. There are horror stories of physicians who think that openness is a license for terrorizing the patient. One can tell a patient that he has a serious and possibly fatal disorder without playing God and predicting that he has only six months to live. This may not be true and is cruel even if it is. The proper course is to present accurate medical information in an encouraging way, pointing out the best opportunities for improvement without resorting to misleading and discouraging statistics. MEIR 137-8