GEN1145 Dating … is a very recent phenomenon … however, there are enough ideas found in Jewish writings that give us an understanding of what constitutes a proper and improper “Jewish date.”  Most teens and even some adults go out on a date because: (1) they wish to have fun or a good time, (2) there is peer pressure to go out (when everyone else is out Saturday night, no one wants it known that they stayed home), or (3) there is a desire for sexual fulfillment. Those people who give a forth reason and say they are dating because they are “preparing for marriage” are rationalizing or are misinformed.  The rate of divorce among heavy daters may be even greater than the rate of divorce among people who get married without much dating.   Dating has never truly prepared anyone for marriage.   All the reasons cited for dating are not “Jewish” reasons.   These reasons are all selfish, and show that the person is out for fulfillment or his or her needs and not for the development of a relationship with the other person. …   When a person is more concerned about the needs of the other person than his or her own needs, it is a genuine relationship.   Most teenagers are not mature enough to forgo their own needs for those of another and hence are not ready for dating in the Jewish sense of the word.   Of course, on a “Jewish” date, the couple is still governed by all the laws regarding no sexual contact and of Yichud.  This is certainly the proper Jewish order: first the nonsexual relationship demonstrating compatibility on the levels of values and interests, and only later will the sexual, physical, emotional relationship come, following marriage … After Sarah died, it says [this verse] that Abraham first eulogized Sarah and then he cried for her.  The intellectual relationship of eulogy preceded the emotional relationship of crying, since in life, too, this was how they lived.   They first related on the nonsexual, intellectual level and only then related on the sexual, emotional level.   When Isaac met Rebecca, the order of their relationship was no different, as it says Genesis 24:67 that first Isaac brought Rebecca to his tent and only afterwards he loved her.  Like his father, Abraham, Isaac first related to his wife on the nonsexual, intellectual level and only then related on the emotional, sexual level.   The laws surrounding Jewish sexuality at first sound a bit outdated because they differ so radically from the attitudes of general society.  However, a careful analysis of this sexual life-style shows a special sensitivity by Judaism for love, sex, and the emotional needs of two human beings of the opposite sex.  AMEMEI 264-5