GEN1482 He thought her a harlot because she covered her face? R. Elazar said: “Because she had kept her face covered in her father-in-law’s house [which explains why Judah did not recognize her now],” as R. Shmuel b. Nachmani said in the name of R. Jonathan: “Every daughter-in-law who is modest in her father-in-law’s house merits that kings and prophet descend from her.   Whence is this derived? From Tamar [kinGodavid; prophet-Isaiah]” Sotah 10b TEMIMAH-GEN 161

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GEN1483 It would seem to be permitted to deceive someone who has deceived you, in order to undo the damage. … According to an ancient tradition – which Torah law later incorporated – since both of Shelah’s brothers had been childless at the time of their deaths, [Judah] was obligated to marry Tamar. … Tamar, who was legally forbidden to marry any other man, set out to deceive and seduce Judah into sleeping with her … [s]he did this because she did not want to be left both unmarried and forever childless.   The biblical text clearly sees Tamar’s act of deception as a legitimate act of self-defense on her part (indeed, Perez, the older of the twin sons who resulted from this act of deception, became an ancestor of King David, and thus of Judaism’s messianic line). Judah himself recognized that Tamar’s act was justified.   When he learned of her deception, he declared Genesis 38:26, “She is more righteous than I.” TELVOL1:435-6

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GEN1484 Although it may not have been the original intent of the biblical writers and editors, the story of Judah and Tamar [this chapter] and its placement in the text can inform Jewish attitudes about sexual activity.   The ideal is a committed relationship; if that ends, the remaining partner is able to pursue other sexual relationships.   For Tamar, after the death of her husband, it is another husband.   For Judah, after the death of his wife, it is a non-committed sexual liaison.   The biblical text makes no judgment about Judah’s relations with a prostitute (Tamar in disguise) or about Tamar’s decision to play the role of a prostitute in order to become pregnant by her father-in-law Judah.   The problem comes in Judah’s not honoring his responsibility to secure another sexual partner/husband for Tamar.   Additionally, the story is a seemingly incongruent interruption of the Joseph saga.  However, it precedes the attempted seduction of Joseph by Potiphar’s wife.   Joseph manages to escape though Potiphar’s wife punishes him with an accusation of rape.   The two stores, read side-by-side, might be examples of appropriate and inappropriate sexual behavior.  The actions of Judah and Tamar, who are both without committed relationships, fall inside the norm of appropriate sexual behavior. The conduct of Potiphar’s wife, a married woman seeking sex from Joseph, a man not her husband, falls far outside it.  AGTJL 173

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GEN1488 The Jewish view for those who do not retain the dignity of another person is extremely severe.   When the 24,000 students of Rabbi Akiva (all great Torah scholars in their own right, as students of Rabbi Akiva) did not respect one another properly, they all died in a plague because of this sin. Yevamot 62b.  The Talmud Berachot 43b proves from the story of Tamar that it is better to die in a furnace than to embarrass someone.   Tamar was willing to die rather than reveal publicly that her father-in-law, Judah, had sexual relations with her.   (Of course, at the end, Tamar was able to convey to Judah who she was through a code, and he was thus not embarrassed.)   This concept was further demonstrated in a Talmudic story Ketubot 67b in which Mar Ukvah used to secretly supply food for a poor man.   One day, when the poor man sought to find out who was doing this great deed, rather than be “caught,” Mar Ukvah jumped into a furnace and burned his feet.  He later stated that it is preferable to be burned in a furnace than to embarrass anyone publicly.  AMEMEI 115

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GEN1485 Sefer HaChinuch (Mitzvah 240) calls the pain that comes from embarrassment the greatest pain of all.  Even when punishing a sinner in a Jewish court, Judaism is sensitive to the embarrassment of the sinner.  Therefore, the person who is designated to administer the lashes to the sinner must have a demeanor that is weak and not strong, in order not to embarrass the sinner.   And if the course of the lashes, the sinner begins to urinate or defecate, the punishment must cease immediately in order not to embarrass this sinner and cause him undue psychological pain.   Laws of Sanhedrin 16:9, 17:5.   Therefore, it is clear that embarrassment is a form of pain that should be avoided whenever possible.   AMJV 247

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GEN1487 The “tinge of murder” involves shaming another [lit., “making the face white.”] his face pales and loses its ruddy complexion.   This is comparable to an act of murder, as our Sages, z”l, said Baba Metzia 58b.  GATES 307

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GEN1486 A person should rather give up his life than publicly shame someone.   … The sages Baba Metzia 59a said that a person who shames another in public loses his share in the world to come. They did not say this concerning someone who committed murder, because a murderer might repent and retain his share in the next world. When a person shames another, however, he is unaware of the enormity of his transgression, and it will not occur to him to repent.  Shaarey Tshuvah 3:139, 141.  Because of the gravity of embarrassing someone in public, the Chofetz Chayim warns us not to join the company of people who are likely to shame others.   If you join such a group, you too are apt to make some comment that will embarrass another person.   If for some reason you are unable to leave such a group, be on your guard: Even if you happen to think of something funny about someone, do not say it Chovas Hashirmah.   PLYN 111-2

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GEN1489 See [[DEUT1185]] Deuteronomy 22:21 stone DORFF-RUTTENBERGSEX 92-4

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GEN1490 See [[GEN1466]] Genesis 37:32 examine FREUND 87-8

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GEN1492 See [[GEN1558]] Genesis 45:1 withdraw BOROJMV 190-1

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