GEN1604
With ten trials was Abraham our Father proved… Pirkei Avot V:4 … Abraham, the embodiment of living-kindness, could hardly bear to mete our such harsh punishment [i.e., banishing Ishmael]. And apparently he would have refused to, had not the Almighty instructed him to listen to Sarah. As
Pirke d.R. Eliezer attests, it was indeed a grail, an agonizing experience for him. If the Almighty demanded humility, loyalty, devotion of him alone, he complied. But now he had to be cruel to a son whom he love. It was a bitter lesson, but Abraham accepted it. He learned that kindly love to Ishmael all his life had let the boy grow corrupt and delinquent. To continue with loving-kindness would let the rot spread to his other son. He learned to know the wisdom that Solomon was to put into words;
He who spares his rod hates his son. Proverbs 13:24. At times sternness and punishment are needed. Used reasonably and consistently, fair discipline is the greatest kindness for a child: It helps him find clear boundaries and guide-lines, which become imbedded in his character. If you use no firm hand, with rigorous chastisement when it is needed, you do your child no favor. A little anecdote is related of a small child who was told he would be going to a new school. With a pained look tinged with despair, he asked, “Is this another school where I must do whatever I want to?” Without guidance, correction, discipline, you condemn your child to a life of weakness and error. Unless he is psychologically evil, he welcomes firm, wise control, with reasonable punishment when necessary. In total freedom a child often senses not live, but a criminal indifference of the grown-ups. In our day, this lesson is very much needed. The widespread tendency is till to frown upon physical punishment, whether by teachers of parents. Everyone is piously urged to “reason” and “communicate” with our youngsters. It is good to do so as a general rule recognizing and respecting our children’s ability to understand and their willingness to be good. But at times a parent faces utter irrationality in the child, a lack of reason that cannot be argued with. This can and must be overcome only be superior authority or force. At these moments the child cannot understand, for he is in the grip of unreason drives and forces in the dark part of the self. Then the parent or teacher must put his foot down and put it down hard, not shirk responsibility or take refuge in bland, fatuous over-indulgence, in the name of loving-kindness. In such “kindness” the child gains neither the understanding nor the strength to discipline himself. Scripture instructs the father לבניך ושננתם: teach the Torah’s words to your children
diligently; Deuteronomy 6:7. the Hebrew verb denotes thorough study, with continual repetition and review, until the lessons have been learnt clearly and fluently. Parenthood in Judaism is a lifetime task, to ever instruct and guide, by word and by example. The day a father has nothing more of value to say to his children, he ceases to exist as a father. We read: “when Jacob finished charging his sons … he expired.” [this verse]. SINAI3 38-9
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