GEN1353 Growing up, of course, means learning not only how to trust but also how to be trustworthy ourselves. It means accepting increased accountability for our actions. As the third-century sage Resh Lakish taught, “First clean yourself, and then clean others” Bava Batra 60b.  The Mishnah tractate Demai discusses those persons whose word should be accepted: “If a man is not trustworthy about what he does, how can he be trusted when he attests to what others did?” 2:2. We must guard against unintentional deception. “R. Judah said in the name of Rav, ‘You must not keep in your house a measuring vessel smaller or larger than the standard’ Deuteronomy 25:14, even if it is to be used as a chamber pot. Others may use it as a measure by mistake” Bava Metzia 61b  The author of Psalm 15 demands even more.   First raising question, “Adonai, who may sojourn in Your ‘tent,’ who made dwell on Your holy mountain?” the Psalmist answers: someone “who stands by his oath even into his own loss” 15:1,4. The Torah presents two outstanding studies of how trustworthiness evolves, played out in the lives of our patriarchs Jacob and Joseph. When Jacob hears Laban’s sons complaining about Jacob’s increasing wealth, he hurriedly gathers together his wives and possessions and flees toward Canaan.  Laban pursues and finally catches Jacob, first chiding his son-in-law for running away and then accusing him of stealing the household gods.   Jacob angrily retorts: “… Anything in your herds that beasts ate, I never brought to you; I had to pay for it. You also required me to pay for anything beasts snatched from the flocks during the day or the night. This is how it was: in the day drought consumed me and at night there was frost so bitter I couldn’t sleep. I was in your house for 20 years. I worked 14 years to marry your two daughters and six more to gain my own flock, and in that time you renegotiated my wages ten times! If God… hadn’t help me, you certainly would have sent me away empty-handed” [this verse].   Jacob’s son Joseph embodies a similar ideal of trustworthiness. Trying to rid themselves of this pesky know-it-all, his siblings throw Joseph into a pit. They then sell him to Midianite traders bound for Egypt, where Potiphar, Pharaoh’s chief steward, buys the hapless lad.   Joseph’s new master observes that “Adonai made Joseph successful in everything he undertook. Potiphar took a liking to him. He made Joseph his personal attendant and put him in charge of all of this household and all that he owned…  He left all that he had in Joseph’s hands; with him in charge, Potiphar needed to pay attention only to the food he ate” Genesis 39:3 – 6. When Potiphar’s wife tries to seduce Joseph, he resists, arguing that Potiphar trusts him too much to betray him this way: “Look, with me here, my master gives no thought to anything in this house, how than can I do this awful thing and sin before God?” Genesis 39:8 – 9. Potiphar’s wife falsely accuses Joseph, and Potiphar has him thrown in jail, where he again proves so trustworthy that the warden makes Joseph responsible for the whole prison Genesis 39:22–23. Finally, Pharaoh places the entire nation under Joseph’s care, saying: “… except by your authority, no one shall lift up hand or foot in all the land of Egypt” Genesis 41:44 So we learn that the greater our position of responsibility, the greater must be our trustworthiness. Even Moses, God’s “own servant,” is not exempt from this rule.   A midrash explains that the Torah provides a detailed list of all gifts brought by the people to build and decorate the wilderness tabernacle.   It goes to such great length in order to uphold Moses’ reputation for honesty, ensuring that no one charges him with taking anything as a personal payment Yalkut Shimoni, Proverbs 28:2.   BOROJMV 28-30

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GEN1354 When Laban’s search for his idols turns up nothing Genesis 31:33, Jacob unleashes a tirade against him.   Jacob contrasts his own integrity with Laban’s perfidy during their entire twenty-year relationship. Genesis 31:36-42 Only at this point is Laban moved to propose a covenant of peace between himself and Jacob [this verse]. Jacob’s integrity has finally made its impact upon Laban.   The encounter between Jacob and Laban at Gilead brings into sharp relief the contrast between authentic and false integrity.   While Jacob adheres to an objectively verifiable standard of honesty, Laban’s claims are not subject to verification.   Masquerading as a doting father, Laban berates Jacob for depriving him of the opportunity to embrace his daughters and grandchildren before they took leave of him. Genesis 31:28 Laban’s protest that he would have sent off Jacob amidst musical accompaniment amounts to nothing more than an unsubstantiated claim, bordering on mockery in the light of their previous relationship. Genesis 31:27 Finally Laban’s assertion that God commanded him to do Jacob neither good nor evil amounts to another unverifiable claim. Genesis 31:29 The Gilead episode demonstrates that championing the cause of integrity often requires polemics with both attackers and evildoers.  If integrity is to elevate the moral climate of society, its exponent must choose his battles carefully.  The temptation to disprove the charges of an attacker must be resisted if such polemics would divert society’s attention from one’s own honest.   Jacob resists the temptation to explode Laban’s masquerade as a doting father.  To do this, Jacob would only have to relate to Laban Rachel and Leah’s reaction when Jacob asked them to flee with him. “Rachel and Leah answered him, saying: ‘have we any share or heritage left in our father’s house? Are we not regarded as strangers by him? He has sold us, and then used up our money.’” Genesis 31:14-15 A lesser man would have seized the moment for sweet revenge by setting the record straight.  Jacob, however, knows that his prime concern must be to establish his own integrity.   The true feelings of Leah and Rachel toward their father are secondary.   To avoid diverting attention from the central issue, his own integrity, Jacob allows Laban’s self-serving pretense as a doting father to go undisputed.   Jacob, who epitomizes integrity, chooses his battles carefully and is not obsessed with a need to set the record straight as regards his opponent’s wrongdoing.   All this demonstrates that Jacob subjected himself to objectively verifiable standards and formulated his commitments in precise and unequivocal terms.   CASE 26-27

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GEN1355 “If you afflict” – by withholding their conjugal requirements: “And if you take” – rivals.  From here it is derived that the withholding of the conjugal requirement is considered “affliction” Yoma 77b TEMIMAH-GEN 137

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