LEV638 What constitutes revenge? The Talmud offers the following example: A asks B to lend him a sickle, and B refuses. The following day, B asks A to lend him an ax, and A says, "I will not lend it to you, just as you refused to lend me your sickle.' This is revenge [and is forbidden by the Torah]" (Yoma 23a). ... What constitutes bearing a grudge? A asks B for an ax and B refuses. The following day B says to A, "Lend me your garment," and A answers, "Here is it. I am not like you, who would not lend me what I asked for." This, the Talmud concludes, is bearing a grudge (Yoma 23b). While the Bible's and Talmud's standard (not even reminding someone who mistreated you of his mean-spirited behavior) seems beyond the capacity of most human beings, the fact that the Torah requires us not to bear a grudge means that Jewish law deems it within our capacity. ... "Another possible approach would be for A to say, 'Of course you can borrow my ax. I am curious, however, why you wouldn't lend me your sickle yesterday.' Such an approach forces B to confront his own behavior, and might well increase the likelihood of B realizing he was wrong" (Dr. Isaac Herschkopf; private communication with the author).