GEN1477 Jewish tradition recognizes the right of married couples to engage in any mutually agreeable form of sexual activity so long as it does not result in hashhatat zera, the intentional spilling of semen that wastes an opportunity to create new life.  In contemporary times, liberal authorities have interpreted the concern with hashhatat zera, which has its roots in the story of Onan Genesis 38:7-10, to be limited to preventing pregnancy in violation of an agreement between spouses that they will attempt to become pregnant.   Today any remaining concern about hashhatat zera has taken a back seat to an appreciation of the pleasure associated with male masturbation, as well as to the imperative to use a condom to prevent the spread of sexually transmitted diseases (STDs).  Jewish tradition never banned female masturbation, since it involves no issue of seminal discharge.  Thus, all forms of autoeroticism are permitted.   Masturbation is a legitimate source of pleasure and of physical release, and it is far better than an inappropriate sexual partnership. … There is truly no such thing as “safe sex.” Sexual intercourse means opening oneself to another in the most intimate way.   It means taking a chance with another person.   It means risking being hurt or being used.   While people can perform any number of sexual acts, there is a difference between engaging in sexual activity in order to achieve physical pleasure, an orgasim, in which only the physical aspect of our being is engaged, and sharing sexual intimacy as a way of bonding with another human being that involves our entire physical and spiritual being.   The institution of marriage provides a socially accepted structure in which the emotional and spiritual risks involved in true lovemaking are mitigated.  … Jewish tradition recognizes that sexual activity has the potential to bind partners together and increase their sense of intimacy.   The medieval text Iggeret Hakodesh, The Holy Letter, often erroneously ascribed to Ramban (a 13th century philosopher and bible commentator), emphasizes that marital sexual activity is sacred when done with awareness that intimacy has a divine aspect to it.   Such holiness is possible only when there is no coercion, when the relationship is legitimate, and when the lovers are attentive to each other’s needs and wishes.  This aspect of sexual activity does not apply to casual sexual relationships that lack an ongoing mutual commitment.  Sexual activity obviously does not need to be limited to times when people want to conceive a child.  Sexual pleasure is desirable.  Partners who know that they are unable to conceive a child can still delight in sexual activity. The primary questions around sexual activity are with whom it should take place and under what circumstances.   AGTJL 200-1