GEN1469 Judaism has established a rigid code of rituals for the guidance of mourners. It prescribes the conduct which tradition regards as proper and respectful in the period of bereavement. These rules are particularly instructive for the maintenance of an atmosphere of dignified solemnity in a house of mourning where there is little grief. A death which terminates a prolonged agonizing sickness is understandably accepted by the surviving kin with a muted sense of relief.   The same is true of a death which lifts a crushing physical and financial burden from the family of the deceased. Yet, even under such circumstances, the observance of mourning rituals is important as an expression of honor for the memory of the decedent.   The duty of the bereaved kin to mourn their loss has as its counterpart of duty of friends to offer condolences. This obligation similarly srerves a double purpose. It brings solace to the mourners. It also gives the friends an opportunity for paying tribute to the memory of the departed.  The latter aspect of condolence visitations was stressed by Rabbi Judah (3rd cent.). The Talmud relates the story of a man who died without heirs. Hence there were no mourners in need of consolation.  Yet Rabbi Judah was troubled because the decedent was denied the honor which comforters would have paid to his memory had they had the opportunity to make a condolence visit. He therefore assembled a quorum of men to sit with him in the house of the departed to receive condolence visitations. Shabbat 152b The practice of offering condolences is as ancient as the custom of mourning. When Jacob mourned Joseph, “All this sons and all the daughters rose up to comfort him” [this verse]. Ecclesiastes acclaimed the virtue of condolence visits: “It is better to go the house of mourning than to the house of feasting” Eccles. 7:2  How should a vistor behave in a house of mourning? According to the rabbis, a visitor should sit in silence Berachot 6b, Moed Katan 28b The ancient sages apparently felt that a mourner engrossed in his grief is in no mood for conversation. They were also undoubtedly aware of the fact that unsophisticated people might say something which would bruise painfully raw nerves. In their opinion, a visit, even if no words are spoken, is in itself a gesture of sympathy which will bring comfort to the bereaved. The silence was always broken before leaving, when visitors recite the traditional message of condolence.   The maintenance of silence by visitors was an acceptable practice in ancient times because all mourners understood the significance of the silence. Modern people, not familiar with this practice, might misinterpret such silence as assign of indifference. Visitors therefore feel constrained to express some sentiments that will ease the pain of the mourners. Unfortunately, the wisdom for choosing the right words at such a delicate moment eludes many people.  The injection of humor in a house of mourning is highly improper. In the words of the rabbis: “Let no one smile in the company of mourners, nor grieve in the company of celebrators” Derech Eretz Rabbah 7.   The practice of serving refreshments and drinks to visitors is also objectionable because it turns the atmosphere of solemnity into conviviality. Such a disregard of propriety is a mockery of the dead.   There are visitors who try to distract the mourner by taking his mind off his loss. That is a misguided strategy. Mourners need sympathy, not distraction. It is also a disservice to the memory of the dead. Comments on the merits of the deceased and an expression of a sense of personal loss are always proper and comforting to the bereaved. BLOCH 233-5