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GENESIS — 18:6 quick

GEN925 Do not indulge in too much conversation with your wife. Pirkei Avot I:5  What connection does this have with the previous teaching regarding hospitality? The average woman does not take very kindly to the prospect of unexpected guests.   Even Sarah, always hospitable enough, was no exception. When Abraham invited in his three wayfarers, he requested Sarah to take kemah soleth and bake cakes for her guests. [this verse].   Kemah is ordinary coarse flower; soleth is fine cake flour.   Only when he saw that Sarah had no objection, he improved the menu. Then again, a man might hesitate to invite guests, for then he could not spend the evening in conversation with his wife, discussing the day’s happenings and the local gossip.  And so Rabbi Yose implies: You will have many opportunities to indulge in such chatter. Forgo the talk with your wife now, and open your home wide to the poor.”   Or perhaps we have here some excellent practical advice; If, when you bring home some deserving guests, your wife becomes excited, “do not indulge in too much conversation.” Leave her alone. Women are like that. In a little while she will realize the wonderful mitzvah involved, and she will be only too happy. At the moment do not press the issue. Your wife’s natural good heart will soon reassert itself. Sir Walter Scott called woman “the toy of the evening.” Rudyard Kipling surpassed that with the adage, “A woman is only a woman, but a good cigar is a smoke.” [The Betrothed, 1886] this type of evaluation is reflected in the endearing term we moderns use for woman: “a doll.” But what is a doll? A toy, a plaything with no heart and no brains! A woman is a “doll” and a man is a “guy,” and they both proceed to play out their respective roles in character.   Between the two, there is no sense of divinity.   Judaism, however, regards the woman with esteem. “A man’s home,” says the Talmud, “is his wife.” Zohar III, 178b. Mishnah, Yoma I, 1 (Talmud, Shabbat 118b, Gittin 52a) Woman is highly regarded and appreciated in Jewish tradition. “If your wife is shorter than you, bow down to her.” Talmud, Baba Metzi’a 59a.  Consult your wife and listen to her advice. Marriage is called kiddushin: this means “sanctification,” and involves the highest degrees of holiness.   When the traditional practice of separate seating or men and women at prayer is attacked as reflecting the inferior place of women in orthodoxy, we must label this a patent misconception.   Separation, m’hitzah, is necessary not for the woman but for the man. His eyes, his thoughts and his temptation travel too far and too fast. When he prays, his sight, mind, and inclinations tend to wander.   He is too easily distracted from his devotions.  Hence we curtain off the woman because we do not trust the man!   The word sihah means “idle talk.”   The Mishnah is, in effect, advising a man not to restrict his wife’s companionship to the level of idle chatter.   Elevate your level of communication with your wife. Instead of “where the Goldsteins are spending their vacation,” discuss which Yeshivah to choose for your child.  Instead of the “new fur coat now displayed by Mrs. Cohen,” discuss your future regarding the Land of Israel.  Elevate your conversation; keep the sihah to a minimum and create a true communion of thought with the woman who is your helpmate in life.   SINAI1 60-1

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GENESIS — 18:7 lad

GEN926 A person should train his children to do chesed.  Rashi cites the Midrash Genesis Rabbah 48:13 which identifies the lad as Yishmael, and that Avraham gave him the calf in order to train him fulfilling mitzvos.  The Chofetz Chayim writes that from here we see that a person should not only do chesed himself, but should also educate and train his children to do acts of kindness. Ahavas Chesed, part 2, ch.3.   The Chofetz Chayim was strongly against the practice which was instituted in some cities whereby the poor could only apply for a donation from a single community fund, and were forbidden to go collecting from house to house.   Besides the fact that in this way the poor might receive a smaller amount of money than they might otherwise received, there is another aspect which is very detrimental.   If the poor do not knock on the doors of private homes, children will not be aware of the mitzvah of giving tzedakah (charity).   Michtevai Chofetz Chayim, Dugman Midarkai Avi, p.8.   PLYN 68

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GENESIS — 18:8 ate

GEN928 To be ethically-minded is to be pure in the eyes of God Numbers 32:22; avoiding the slightest breath of suspicion Chullin 44b and being always pleasant Ketubot 17a and respectful of another’s views. In the words of Derekh Eretz Zuta – he must not be “awake among those who sleep, or asleep among those who are awake; not weeping when others laugh, or vice versa; not sitting when others stand, or vice versa; not learning aloud, when others re reading quietly, or the reverse”. In general, he will not be awkward or angular in the company of others. He will be considerate of others. When the three angels visited Abraham in his tent they ate and drank with him, though it was not their custom so to do [this verse] When Moses ascended on high he did not eat for forty days and nights, for such was the custom in heaven. Exodus 34:28  LEHRMAN 279-80

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GENESIS — 18:8 stood

GEN931 It is more important to invite guests who truly need your hospitality than to invite those who do not.  Rabbi Yudan explained that Avraham’s guests did not rally require refreshment since they were angels.  They merely appeared to be eating and drinking in order to please Avraham.   As a result of Avraham’s act of kindness, the Almighty rewarded his descendants when they were in the Sinai desert.   They received the manna, a well of water sprung up for them, they were provided with quails, they were encircled by clouds of glory, and a pillar of cloud journeyed before them.   Rabbi Shimon, in the name of Rabbi Eliezer, said that the aforementioned act of kindness and subsequent reward constitute a kal vechomer (an interference from minor to major): “Avraham was greatly rewarded for showing kindness to those who did not need kindness.   All the more so, the Almighty rewards someone who shows kindness to those who need it.”  Leviticus 34:8  The Chofetz Chayim writes that although the mitzvah of having guests applies even when the guest is wealthy and not in dire need of your favors, it is a greater mitzvah to have guests who arte poor. He adds that people are happy to entertain wealthy guests and will honor them as much a possible.   But, unfortunately, they are much less anxious – sometimes even reluctant – to have truly needy people as guests. Ahavas Chesed, part 3, ch. 1.  PLYN 68

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GENESIS — 18:8 stood

GEN932 Once R. Eliezer, R. Yehoshua, and R. Tzadok were seated at the feast of R. Gamliel’s son, and R. Gamliel stood and gave them to drink.   At this, R. Eliezer said to R. Yehoshua: “What is this, Yehoshua?   We are sitting and R. Gamliel b’Rabbi [a title of distinction] is standing over us and giving us to drink!” To this, R. Yehoshua replied: “We find one greater than he who served thus.   Abraham was the greatest man of his generation, and yet it is written of him: ‘And he stood over them.’ Now you may say that they appeared to him as ministering angels, yet the truth is that they appeared to him only as Arabs – and we – R. Gamliel b’Rabbi should not stand over us and give us to drink?” Kiddushin 32b TEMIMAH-GEN 82

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GENESIS — 18:9 tent

GEN934 All of us need to exercise special control over our libidos.   The difficulties rise up when people take it upon themselves to create appropriate methods to guard against untoward sexual practices. True, our tradition has long taught that some modesty must be legislated. But the pre-modern societies in general and some people today still self-righteously assume that women’s immodesty somehow causes men’s wanton and even violent sexual acts. The victim thus becomes responsible for the aggressor’s actions. Blaming the victim violates both individual male and female dignity. If generally condoned, it shows the moral bankruptcy of the greater society as well. Yet the Talmud was a product of its times, echoing the other male-dominated cultures of the Middle East. So its teachings prescribed the segregation of women as the fundamental antidote for womanly provocation. Its standard biblical justification was the verse, “The chief glory of the King’s daughter is that she remains deep within the palace” Psalm 45:14 – 15. Thus Sarah, the first matriarch, serves as a model for all women to follow: “When visiting angels asked Abraham, ‘Where is Sarah your wife?’ he answered, ‘Behold, she is in the tent.’ [this verse]. This is to inform us that Sarah was modest” Bava Metzia 87a A text from the Jerusalem Talmud at least gives those females who practiced seclusion a reward—a prominent spouse and male children [sic]: “A woman who remains at home merits marrying a high priest and being the mother of a line of high priests” Yerusalmi Yoma 4:2 Several hundred years later, the German sage Eliezer b. Samuel of Mainz counsels: “My daughters ought always to be at home, and should not even stand at the door so as to watch whatever passes by” Hebrew Ethical Wills. Yehiel b. Yekutiel also follows this Talmudic theme when he blames physically malformed children on the fact that their mother “weaves in the marketplace, speaking and gazing at all men. Weaving in a public place exposes her arms; because of her misdeeds, one of her children is lame, another blind, another a fool and evil doer” Sefer Maalot Hamiddot. True, Maimonides does grudgingly say about a man’s wife: “She is not in prison where she cannot come and go…” B hiut then he glaringly affirms his patriarchal mentality by stating: “… It is unseemly for a woman to be constantly in the streets. Her husband should not let her go out except once or twice a month, as the need may arise” Mishneh Torah, Hilchot Ishut, 13:11. Even the realm of Jewish folk literature concedes that the appropriate place for women is a private one: “The good woman knows that her kingdom is behind the house door” (Ladino proverb). BOROJMV 156-7

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