NUM280 See [[GEN387]] Genesis 3:9 where WAGS 118-20

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NUM333 The essential reason for most quarrels is a basic human shortcoming: it is extremely difficult for people to accept opinions that differ from their own. Rabbeinu Asher writes, "Do not be unyielding, but rather, bend your will for the sake of others (Orchos Chaim). This quality is exemplified by Rachel Imeinu, who informed her sister Leah of the secret signs that Yaakov will use in order to identify his chosen wife Rachel (as Jacob suspected that Leah might exchange Leah for Rachel.) By doing this, she saved Leah from shame and embarrassment, but lost her chosen fiancé (Derech Eretz Zuta, ch. 1). Everyone is Different. The inherent obstacle in putting this concept into practice is that values and opinions vary from one individual to the next; as the Sages say, "People's opinions are as diverse as their facial features" (Midrash Rabbah, Bamidbar 21:2). Moshe Rabbeinu attached enormous importance to the quality of leaders being understanding of people, as expressed in the verse, "May Hashem, the "God of all spirits and of all flesh, appoint a person to lead the congregation" [this verse]. The Midrash explains that Moshe prayed that his successor be endowed with the ability to understand and tolerate each Jew's personality (Tanchuma, parashas Pinchas). Yalkut Shimoni offers a similar interpretation, explaining that Moshe prayed that his successor's soul be large enough to accommodate the different personalities of six hundred thousand souls, a quality he deemed essential for the future leader of the Jewish people. (This quality will also be shared by the Moshiach.). The Rashba explains that the reason why the Sages stressed that "people's opinions differ" is in order to emphasize one's obligation to accept opinions that differ from one's own.

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NUM388 The mishnah (Shekalim 3b) states: "A person must pass the judgment of people in the same manner as he must pass Hashem's judgment, as the verse says, 'And the land of Canaan will be subdued before Hashem; then afterwards you (the tribes of Reuven and Gad) will return and be guiltless before Hashem and before Israel, and this land will be your possession before Hashem' [this verse]. Another verse says, 'Put away from you a dissembling mouth, and perverse lips put far from you'" (Mishlei 4:24). This teaches that a person must avoid acting in a manner that will cause others to suspect him of inappropriate conduct, whether it be in his financial dealings or in his performance of mitzvos. As the Talmud (Chullin 44b) says, "Distance yourself from unpleasantness and the like." One must avoid acting in a haughty manner under all circumstances. The Shulchan Aruch (Orach Chaim, ch. 60) discusses the obligation of a chasan to recite Shema on the night of his wedding so that he should not seem pretentious by implying that he always concentrates while reciting Shema. Thus we see that the rule to avoid haughty behavior is even applicable when performing a mitzvah (Mishnah Berurah 70:14). Certain Rabbinical decrees were instituted with this idea in mind. For example, the Sages prohibit hanging clothes to dry during Shabbos--they were concerned that people would come to suspect a person of having laundered the clothes on Shabbos. This is also the reason it was prohibited for the person who collected the coins from the lishkah (office) of the Beis HaMikdash to wear long garments or long hair -- people would suspect him of hiding coins in his garments or hair. He was also required to speak continuously while he gathered the coins -- in this manner, people would not suspect him of hiding coins in his mouth (Shekalim 3:2). These laws give us a better understanding of how careful one must be in order that people should not suspect him of improper conduct. There are three essential reasons one must avoid suspicion: 1) it is prohibited to suspect an innocent person of having committed a sin. Therefore, a person who causes others to question his integrity and suspect him is guilty of placing a stumbling block in their way. 2) A person who does not care how others perceive him is considered arrogant and shameless. The Sages said, "A person who feels shame will not soon come to sin" (Nedarim 2a). The converse is also true--if he does not care how others perceive him, he will eventually succumb to sin. 3) People are easily influenced by one another. If people suspect that a person is guilty of transgressing a precept, this will weaken their own resolve to refrain from sin (Rashi, Devarim 25:18). It is told that the Chafetz Chaim himself was negatively affected by his surroundings: The first time he saw a Jew desecrate Shabbos in public, he suffered acute anguish and pain. The following Shabbos, his pain was less severe than it had been the previous week. A talmid chacham must take special care to distance himself from situations that might influence people to become lax in observance of the mitzvos. Sifsei Kohen writes that this rule applies to any person who is held in high esteem by his community (Yoreh De'ah 152:1). Yad Malachi writes that a talmid chacham must refrain from performing any act that people might consider to be a transgression, even if the act is permissible by law. As the Talmud Yerushalmi says, "[People] learn from wrongdoings, and they do not learn from virtuous deeds" (Moed Katan 2:5).

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DEUT39 A person should not be miserly. This is inferred from the verse, "Purchase food from them with silver… For Hashem your God has blessed you with your handiwork" [this verse]. Rashi explains that in order to acknowledge Hashem's blessing, this verse instructs the Jewish people to behave as wealthy people and not as poor people.

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DEUT235 The Mishnah states, "Welcome every person with a pleasing countenance (Avos 1:15). Rambam comments: "One is obligated to conduct his affairs with others in a gentle and pleasing manner." Rabbeinu Yonah writes in a similar vein: "One should conduct himself in such a way as to cause others to feel satisfaction from the relationship, by bending his will for the sake of others. He who is able to act in such a manner will certainly acquire many devoted friends." Both Rambam's and Rabbeinu Yonah's explanations stress the same point: A person's code of behavior must be deemed acceptable by society. This is the essential obligation of derech eretz. At this point one might wonder, "Why must I concern myself with other people's opinions? Is it not enough if I know my behavior is correct?" The answer to this question is twofold: First, various Mishnaic and Talmudic verses stress the importance of behaving in a manner deemed acceptable by one's society. For example, our Sages state, "One's perspectives must always be in line with those of society" (Kesuvos 17a). This obligation is repeated in Pirkei Avos: "Which is the proper path one should choose? One that is pleasing to the one who performs it and is pleasing to others" (Avos 2:1). Another example is the statement, "One who is well liked by people is regarded favorably by Hashem (Avos 3:10). Second, one who behaves in an exemplary manner sanctifies the name of Hashem. Our Sages explain the verse "And you will love Hashem your God..." [this verse] in the following way: "One must study and teach, as well as speak gently to people and conduct his affairs with them in an honorable manner. When people see such a person, what do they say? Happy is he who studies Torah, happy is his father who taught him Torah, happy is his rebbi who taught him Torah; pitiful are those who do not study Torah. Look at so-and-so who studied Torah. How pleasant and beautiful are his deeds, how perfect his ways. The verse 'Yisrael, through whom I will be praised' refers to such a person" (Yoma 86a).

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DEUT912 See [[EXOD253]] Exodus 16:7 what WAGS 90-1

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DEUT1214 Offering Accommodations to a Stranger. Derech eretz dictates that upon seeing a stranger enter a city, one should ask him whether he has a place of lodging. As the Talmud (Bava Kama 92a) states, "A stranger who comes to town seeking lodging should be questioned concerning lodging, while one who comes to town accompanied by a woman should not be questioned regarding whether she is his wife or his sister. Avimelech the king of the Philistines failed in this; he did make inquiries regarding Sarah's matrimonial status and eventually brought her to his palace. He was then told by Hashem to return Sarah to her husband--otherwise Avimelech would have died, for he should have learned how to receive a stranger coming to his town, and he did not learn." Rashi explains that the words "he should have learned" refer to derech eretz. This teaches us that offering a stranger lodging is an obligation stemming from the principles of derech eretz, and not just a praiseworthy fulfillment of hachnassas orchim. The male descendants of the nation of a Amon and Moav are not permitted to marry a Jewess as a consequence of their failing to come forth and offer bread and water to the Jewish people when they approach their land [this verse].

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DEUT1699 See [[LEV1115]] Leviticus 26:8 chase WAGS 14

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