GEN1445 To be happy, children of one family must not be treated differently from one another. The story of what happened to Joseph serves as a warning. Because his father made for him “a coat of many colours”, [this verse], was he sold into Egypt and Israel made to serve bondage to the cruel Pharaohs. Shabbat 10b A father should not terrorize his child; and lest the child be taught to deceive, the parent is urged to keep all the promises he makes at home. Gittin 6b What is said by the parents in the presence of children should be carefully weighted and guarded, for children repeat in the street what they have heard in the home. Gittin 56b LEHRMAN 246

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GEN1446 See [[GEN1222]] Genesis 26:14 envied BLOCH 111

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GEN1447 Even on purely prudential grounds, a parent should act the same way toward all his children.  Thus, if a parent truly does love one child more than the others, he does the child great harm by making that known and causing the child’s siblings to envy him or her.  One suspects that, during Joseph’s days as a slave and prisoner in Egypt, he did not remember Jacob’s favoritism with gratitude.   Indeed, that might be the explanation for an action (or rather non-action) of Joseph’s that is otherwise inexplicable. When he was elevated to a high position in Egypt, second only to Pharaoh, he made no effort to contact his father and inform him that he was alive and well. Was he perhaps feeling some anger toward his father, whose behavior had helped provoke his brother’s animosity, and bring about their terrible crime of selling him into slavery in Egypt? … The story of Joseph shows that favoritism can be just as cruel to the favored child as it is to the others.   TELVOL 1:310

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GEN1450 Rashi comments that although they were wrong in hating him, at least this hatred was out in the open and they were not hypocritical by keeping hate in their hearts while outwardly feigning friendliness. That would be far worse than openly showing one’s hatred. Like the Talmud, the Midrash Yalkut Shimoni, Leviticus 19,613 also states that only hatred in one’s heart (privately), and not expressed hate, is forbidden by the Torah.   Maimonides specifically says that if a person informs someone that he hates him or her, he or she has not violated the prohibition of hatred (although other sins may have been committed). [See also [[GEN1117]], 21:25 reproached AMJV 129]… On the other hand, Nachmanides disagrees with this approach. He makes no distinction between hatred that is kept in one’s heart and hatred that is expressed openly.  Nachmanides commentary on Leviticus 19:17-18 129.

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GEN1448 Although the mitzvah of “Love your friend as yourself” Leviticus 19:18 obligated one to be tolerant of other people’s customs, and Mussar works extol the importance of overcoming one’s character faults, one should not voluntarily place himself in a difficult situation.  This applies to testing one’s tolerance of others in the same way as it applies to testing one’s resolve against performing idolatry or succumbing to other forms of temptation.  Futhermore, by living in the vicinity of people who act differently, one is in constant danger of transgressing the commandment, “Do not harbor hatred for your brother in your heart.” Leviticus 19:17.   … [One needs] to have foresight and avoid situations that will necessitate relying on one’s resolve and good intentions to overcome difficulties.   Indeed, one must distance himself from such situations at all costs.   The idea that separation from people who act according to a different code of behavior is commendable is implied in Rashi’s interpretation of [this verse].  “From the guilt of Joseph’s brothers we learn of their praiseworthy traits: They were incapable of speaking in one way and feeling opposite emotions in their hearts.”   … By minimizing close contact with people who have different customs and who act according to a different code of behavior, one may avoid strained relationships.   WAGS 59-60

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GEN1449 Rambam [Maimonides] writes, “When a man commits a sin against another, the victim should not hate the sinner in his heart and keep silent, as the verse says concerning evildoers, ‘And Avshalom did not speak to Amnon a single word, neither good nor bad, for Avshalom hated Amnon’ Samuel 1 13:22.   Instead, it is a mitzvah to notify him of his sin and tell him, “Why did you do such and such to me, and why did you sin by committing this transgression?’ As the verse [Leviticus 19:17] says, “Surely rebuke your fellow man” Rambam, Laws of De’os 6:6.   … “Anger is better than laughter” Eccelesiastes 7:3.   Metzudos Dovid explains the meaning of this verse: “If a person commits a sin against another and the latter expresses his anger, this is preferable to his feigning friendliness. Expressing one’s anger has the effect of quelling that anger; the heart will become tranquil and the wronged party will not look for revenge. Conversely, if one feigns impartiality without forgiving, the feelings of anger will remain buried in his heart – when the opportunity arises, he will not have mercy and will take revenge.” WAGS 61-62

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GEN1451 … the Rambam observes that it is prohibited for a Jew to be outwardly friendly towards another individual while he inwardly harbors resentment and animosity towards him. “It is prohibited for an individual to conduct himself with words of falseness and enticement, nor shall he be hypocritical, but rather he should appear outwardly as he is within [i.e. his outward relationship towards people should reflect his true inner attitude], and that which he expresses with his lips should be the same as that which he feels within his heart.” Rambam, Mishneh Torah, hilchos De’os 2:6.   The Chafetz Chaim deals with this matter at great length in his Kuntres Sfas Tamim.   He cites the words of Chazal, [our Sages, may their memories be for a blessing – AJL] who include the hypocrites among “three who are despised by the Almighty.” Talmud, Pesachim 113b.   And he cites also the words of Jeremiah, who decries, in no uncertain terms, the individual who Jeremiah 9:7, speaks peaceably to his neighbor with his mouth, but in his heart he lies in wait. The Torah informs us that the brothers of Yosef were unable to speak peaceably with him. [this verse] Whereupon, Rashi observes, “From their fault we learn their praise, for they did not speak hypocritically – one way with their mouth, and another with the earth.” FENDEL 118-9

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GEN1452 We should not speak about our achievements to others, unless there is a pressing reason to do so.  Proverbs 27:2 advises, “Let a stranger praise you and not your own mouth.”   Although it is sometimes tempting to flaunt our accomplishments, we should try to refrain from doing so.   If we have achieved a great deal and are eager to impress others, restraining ourselves can be difficult. Therefore, we should work on developing this trait one occasion at a time.   We should resolve that the next time we are at a social gathering, we will not mention any personal achievement unless it is absolutely germane to the conversation. People who brag a lot about their accomplishments reveal a desperate need for recognition, admiration, and praise.   Therefore, although braggarts come across as conceited, their boasting often reflects a low sense of self-regard.   … Bragging, which often provokes annoyance and animosity in listeners, can also be self-destructive. The Bible informs us that when Joseph told his brothers of his dreams that they would one day bow down to him, “they hated him even more” [they already despite him for being their father’s favorite]. Later it was this boasting that served as the brothers’’ rationale for plotting his murder.   In addition,  “When a man boasts, if he is a sage, his wisdom departs from him.” Pesachim 66b.   Boasting causes us to stop thinking critically about ourselves, and therefore makes us more likely to say or do foolish things.  TELVOL 1:223-4

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GEN1453 See [[GEN1246]] Genesis 27:19 I FREUND 101-2

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GEN1454 See [[GEN1316]] Genesis 30:14 brought BLIDSTEIN 51-53

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